EYRIE PRODUCTIONS, UNLIMITED proudly presents: NEON EXODUS EVANGELION BONUS THEATER!! [COMMERCIAL] [SCREEN GRAPHIC: ESPN/NERV Ride-Along Program logo] VO: The ESPN/NERV Ride-Along Program puts YOU in the action! [EVA ENTRY PLUG INTERIOR. REI AYANAMI is at the controls. Behind and above her seat a jump seat has been positioned. In this seat, wearing a red-and-white plug suit with a Ride-Along Program patch on the upper left chest, is NORIKO TAKAYA.] NT: So this is an Evangelion. RA: Mm-hmm. [REI is somewhat busy. From the cockpit speakers the sounds of an EVA combat can be heard; occasionally the camera shakes.] NT: It's smaller than Gunbuster. RA: So is the Eiffel Tower. NT: Does it turn into a space fighter? RA: No, thank God. NT: I'm sorry, am I bothering you? RA: No, not at all. I'm just a little distracted. NT: Oh, OK. (Pause.) It's tough being the devastatingly cute, tragic heroine. RA: A-men, sister. [EXTERIOR DAY. EVA-00's foot steps through the shot, leaving behind a footprint with the ESPN/NERV Ride-Along Program logo.] [END COMMERCIAL] CONFERENCE ROOM 'B' EYRIE PRODUCTIONS STUDIOS WORCESTER, MASSACHUSETTS 1:12 PM, WEDNESDAY, JULY 22, 1998 One by one, the members of the NXE regular cast filtered into the conference room, some yawning. It was a brutally hot day in Worcester, over ninety-five degrees with near-100% humidity, and though the Eyrie studios were air-conditioned, the recent excursion for lunch (combined with the meal itself) had put most of them in a semi-somnolent state. With production on the third-season opening episode wrapped, there was little to do until shooting resumed in the evening, so the production staff had assembled a few meetings to pad the day out. Asuka Soryu-Langley was looking forward to the meeting's end. She had no greater ambitions for her afternoon than to curl up in her air-conditioned bedroom with a book, perhaps the copy of "Doctor Who: The Murder Game" she'd just borrowed from the director, and ignore the world. DJ Croft had been awakened ahead of schedule by his housemate Rei banging on the door (having accidentally locked herself out when she went to get the paper), and wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. For now he was nursing a cup of coffee, hoping it would get him through the meeting. Jon Ellison was looking forward to his first attempt at the GT Cup circuit in his saved game of 'Gran Turismo'. Gendou Ikari planned to sit down and finally watch the previous weekend's CART FedEx Championship Series race, which he'd taped on Sunday. He had ten dollars on Michael Andretti for the win, and from the smug look on Ritsuko Akagi's face, he had a sneaking suspicion he was going to lose the ten-spot. John Trussell was fretting about the schedule he had to work with for the master artwork of the soundtrack CDs. Maya Ibuki was scheduled to pick up her new car at 4:30, and had been excited about it all week. By the time Misato Katsuragi, the last to arrive, came through the door, all the others were ranged around the conference table, poking curiously through the mound of various items that were heaped on it. "What's going on?" she wondered. "First round of new merchandise approvals this season," said director Ben "Gryphon" Hutchins from the doorway behind her. Startled, Misato jumped. "You're late!" Asuka Soryu-Langley declared. "I figured Misato wouldn't turn up until now anyway," replied Gryphon mildly. "Anyway. Have a look, tell me what you think." The cast approached the table warily, picking out various items and looking them over. Rei Ayanami spotted an item toward the head of the table, picked it up, turned it over in her hands, and then looked over it to the director, a look partway between quizzical and horrified on her face. "Keen, isn't it?" said Gryphon, smiling beatifically. Rei looked skeptically at the box in her hands. "What is it?" wondered Jon Ellison. Wordlessly, Rei handed him the item. It was a cereal box, its front cover emblazoned with an outrageously cute cartoon caricature of Rei in her plug suit and a name in large Project EVA-font print. "Kellogg's Ayanami-O's?!" said Jon incredulously. "WHAT?!" said DJ, almost choking on his coffee. "That's what it says!" Jon protested, holding up the box so his co-star could see it. Sure enough, it did, complete with a speech balloon for the cartoon Rei that said, in a sprightly font, "They're low in fat!" "You're KIDDING!" said Gendou Ikari. "What is it?" Jon peered at the illustration of the cereal on the box. "Looks like frosted Cheerios with the ghost marshmallows from Boo Berry." "Go ahead and try some," said Gryphon. "It's an actual sale item, they sent us a case of the stuff." "What happened to the rest of it?" asked Ritsuko. "Rank hath its privileges," said Gryphon impassively. "You guys get six figures an episode, I get the cereal." Dubious, Jon opened the box, reached in, and came out with a handful of cereal. He sniffed at it, decided it wasn't too daunting, put it in his mouth and chewed slowly. Then, swallowing, he declared, "It -is- frosted Cheerios with the ghost marshmallows from Boo Berry." Rei took back the box, tried an experimental mouthful herself, then regarded the box again with raised eyebrows. "Not bad." Meanwhile, Gendou had seated himself at the table, hands steepled before him, and was regarding the array of NXE Series 3 action figures laid out before him. Abruptly, his eyes lit up, and he grabbed one out of the line-up. "Oh, cool!" he declared. "I've got a spring-loaded grappling-hook gun with a retractor crank!" So saying, he aimed the little effigy of himself at one of the wall-mounted lamp sconces ringing the room, launched the aforesaid grappling hook, and then reeled the little plastic Gendou up with the crank. "How come I don't get anything this cool on the show?" "One of the great mysteries of the Universe," remarked Maya Ibuki dryly. She picked up her own action figure. "Not a terribly bad likeness, I suppose." "Hey!" cried Misato. "Mine has a beer can permanently molded to her right hand! Those bastards!" "Mine comes with a bullwhip," said Ritsuko dubiously. "Whoa! I appreciate the compliment, guys," said Asuka, "but I'm really only a B-cup." "Check out the wind-up waddling Pen-Pen," observed DJ. "Aw, too cool," Misato agreed as DJ set the little plastic penguin a-waddle across the table. "What the hell is this?" wondered Asuka, holding up a plastic statuette of herself, in plug suit, in a strange kind of down-pointing position. "I look like I'm ordering in a candy store. 'I'll take one of -those-, and one of -those-... '" She weighed the item in her hand. "It's too light to be a solid figurine... " DJ took it from her, turned it over, then shook it and grinned. "Aha!" Then he took hold of the plastic Asuka's head and briskly twisted it off. "Gaaah!" said Asuka. DJ sniffed at the little pull-up spout the removal of the figure's head had revealed, and grinned again. "It's maple syrup," he declared. "WHAT?!" "Once I figured out it was full of liquid, I figured it had to be either that or bubble bath." "That's the one of Misato with her arms folded," said Gryphon from the end of the table, pointing with a pen. "I will not accept a headless plastic doll of myself that's full of maple syrup," declared Asuka flatly. "Oh, relax, it goes back on," said DJ, illustrating his point by screwing the bottle's head back on. "I don't care!" said Asuka. "I don't like it." Gryphon sighed sadly and made a note on the clipboard he carried. Then he brightened. "Oh! I almost forgot. I just got off the phone with some folks over at NASCAR. We just closed a one-time sponsorship deal for a couple of cars in different series over there. I'm really excited about this, I think it'll give us some great exposure, just in time for you know what," he said with a wink. "Sponsorship?" said Gendou. "Yup!" Gryphon dimmed the room lights and switched on the slide projector sitting on the end of the table. "Here's a preliminary sketch of the Winston Cup car we'll be on for the delayed running of the Pepsi 400 in October." On the screen, a colored three-view-plus-perspective pencil drawing of a NASCAR-style Ford Taurus appeared. It was mostly black, with the blue-white Neon Exodus Evangelion on the hood, the NERV logo on the rear fenders, the X-COM logo on the decklid, and the big white number 90 on the doors and roof. Asuka jumped to her feet. "DICK TRICKLE?!" she demanded. "We're sponsoring DICK TRICKLE for one race?!" Gryphon grinned. "That's right." "Why him?" Asuka wondered. "Why not somebody cool, like Jimmy Spencer or Rusty Wallace?" "Jimmy's sponsored by the series sponsor," Gryphon pointed out. "I don't think he particularly needs the extra money. Neither does Rusty, for that matter." "Besides, I vetoed Rusty," said Truss. "He's a jerk." Asuka glared. "What's the matter with Dick, anyway?" asked Jon. "He's solid. Almost always qualifies." "Sure, thirty-fourth or so." "Hey, he's no Dave Marcis." "Don't cut down Dave Marcis," said Truss warningly. "The man's an icon of the sport. It's not his fault he hasn't got two nickels to rub together." "Well, then why don't we sponsor -him-?" Asuka asked. "I mean, -anybody- but Dick Trickle." Gryphon shrugged. "He wasn't interested. We might get an opportunity to sponsor the 17 team next year, though we'll probably put the UF/FI logo on it most of the time." Rei took advantage of the brief lull to say, "I like Dick. He's nice." "Oh, when did -you- meet Dick Trickle?" demanded Asuka scornfully. "Last week in Loudon," replied Rei. "You had a pit pass and you didn't get me Mr. Excitement's autograph?" "Sorry, didn't see him. Next month." "If we could continue?" said Gryphon. "We're also sponsoring a Busch Grand National car for one race in October." He switched to another slide; this car was done up in the orange-and-white livery of Unit 00, complete with the appropriate number, and sported the NERV logo in a black square on the hood. "All right!" said Asuka. "That's more like it. Buckshot's the man." "When he's not trying to kill Randy LaJoie," observed Rei, drawing another glare from her redheaded co-star. "That paint scheme is terrible," observed Truss. "I mean, the Unit 00 idea is OK, but the black part with the NERV logo looks so last-minute." "That's OK," said Gryphon with a grin. "These are just preliminary sketches. We knew you'd have better ideas." Truss palmed his face; Maya patted his shoulder. "There, there, John. You're a natural volunteer." "Oh, that reminds me - Misato, SpeedVision called again. They really want you for their weekly USLMRA highlights show." Rei coughed, having very nearly snarfed a handful of Ayanami-O's. "Sorry." "'s OK," Rei sputtered. "Did they get Dave Barry yet?" asked Misato. "How should I know?" replied Gryphon. "Just call them." "OK, OK." "Anyway, that's it for that stuff, so far. Any other questions or comments about the stuff that's on the table?" Gendou looked at his watch. "No, I think we've milked this joke for about as much as we're gonna get out of it." Gryphon nodded. "I think you're right. OK, let's have everybody back here at 5. If we can get that last shot in the can by 7 we can go watch the Sox game on the big TV." /* J.P. Sousa "The Liberty Bell" */ NEON EXODUS EVANGELION BONUS THEATER!! was conceived, written and performed by Ben Hutchins John Trussell Rei Ayanami Asuka Soryu-Langley DJ Croft Jon Ellison Gendou Ikari Ritsuko Akagi Maya Ibuki Misato Katsuragi and featured Noriko Takaya NOTE: The USLMRA is a real organization: http://www.letsmow.com/ (Regrettably, SpeedVision, though a real network, does not yet have a weekly USLMRA highlights show.) Join the Dick Trickle Fan Club! http://www.coredcs.com/~dtrickle/fanclub.html (c) 1998 E P U (Colour)