EYRIE PRODUCTIONS, UNLIMITED proudly presents: NEON EXODUS EVANGELION BONUS THEATER!! [COMMERCIAL] [INTERIOR DAY. DJ CROFT and REI AYANAMI are dressed in dark, tasteful suits and ties, and are seated behind what appears to be a news desk. Monitors in the background show various action clips from "Neon Exodus Evangelion".] REI: How can NERV secure its position as the world's foremost paranormal defense force? Two options... DJ: One: Scour the globe for the most gifted, talented pilots the world has ever seen, train them intensively in the use of the most advanced weapons known to humanity, and surround them with the most sophisticated secondary defense systems ever conceived. REI: Or two: Clone me. [EXTERIOR DAY. A dozen of Rei, all neatly dressed, stand in two ranks of six at rigid attention, their expressions blank and focused on the far horizon.] ALL (mechanically): Yes, I understand. Many necessary kinds, and many unnecessary kinds as well. Why are you crying? [STUDIO. REI looks gravely at the camera. Beside her, DJ looks vaguely... well, no, more than vaguely... disturbed.] REI: An act the consequences of which we, as simple, flawed human beings, could not begin to comprehend. [CUT TO BLACK.] [CAPTION: Same Rei. New series.] [GRAPHIC: NXE "sports" logo.] [CAPTION: Thursdays at 9:30 only on EBN] [END COMMERCIAL] NEON EXODUS EVANGELION THE OUTTAKE REEL, VOLUME 2 - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - In the control room, John Trussell abruptly rose to his feet. As the drama between DJ, Jon and Rei had played out, his face had slowly darkened from deep shock to its current state, a frozen mask of barely-restrained rage. Those who knew Truss knew him to be among the mildest-mannered of people at NERV; to see him this way was a powerful jolt to them. His hands shaking with anger, Truss slammed his chair into the kneewell of his station, crushing several of his fingers between the chair back and the edge of the desk. To his credit, he didn't let this unexpectedly painful injury rob him of too much dignity; he merely sucked in a sharp breath between his clenched teeth, yanked his hands out of the trap, pivoted on his heel and stomped toward the exit. As he drew even with Ikari, the professor struggled to hold back a snicker while saying, "Mr. Trussell, where do you think - " Truss rounded on him, eyes flashing, and cut him off with a stiff chopping gesture, locking eyes with Ikari. "DON'T," said Truss; then, after a lingering glare, he dissolved into a fit of laughter, followed quickly by Ikari and everyone else in the control room. "Are you all right?" Ikari asked between giggles. "Ow, dammit," Truss replied, beginning to recover. "I - hahah - I was doing OK - heh - until I looked at you!" "Sorry... I tried to keep a straight face, but... " "What the hell's going on in there?!" Jon Ellison's voice crackled over the PA, and set everybody off again. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - "I have been willing to overlook all this due to your natural talent and its importance to Project EVA. However, your conduct in this last incident was beyond the pale. You were insubordinate; you deliberately refused direct orders; you seized control of Evangelion Unit 01 without authorization and you threatened the lives of senior personnel, myself included. This cannot be forgiven. Have you anything to say for the record?" Never breaking eye contact with Ikari, DJ replied firmly and unhesitantly, "Gendou Ikari, you are a contemptible, manipulative, ruthless, murderous... er... murderous... what the hell comes after 'murderous'?" "Unscrupulous toe-rag," said Otto Keller expressionlessly. "Oh right, thank you - unscrupulous toe-rag. If Colonel Keller and these two men weren't here, you bastard, I would strangle you with my bare hands. The best thing you can do is turn me loose and pray I never cross your path again... For the record." Ikari stared stonily across the desk at his belligerent adversary, and then said dryly, "I suppose you expect the editors to just cut that little byplay out." "I stood still!" DJ replied indignantly. "They ought to be able to fit it together without making too much of a jump." "What the hell's a 'toe-rag', anyway?" asked Keller. DJ shrugged. "I dunno really. One of the writers trying to make me sound more English, I suppose. Only place I've ever heard it is on old episodes of 'Doctor Who'... " "Oh for crissake CUT!" came the voice of the director. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - DJ turned to Ritsuko, and his smile became somewhat less warm. "Ritsuko. Thank you... for nothing." Then, on impulse, his right hand darted out; before she could draw back, he'd hooked his index finger into the ring on her top's zipper tab and snapped his wrist down. The zipper came down perhaps a quarter-inch, then jammed, and DJ nearly broke his finger before the ring popped off the zipper tab. "Well, almost nothing," he added with a mirthless version of his rakish grin as he surveyed the pullring still hooked on his finger. "I've always wanted a little metal ring... " "Wardrobe!!" chirped Rei Ayanami cheerfully, and everyone broke. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - His grin unfaded, Kaji deftly stepped around Maya, removing his hand from her tunic and slipping his arm around her throat, then dragged her back a step toward the door. "We've danced this dance before, kid, and you didn't have the guts. C'mon, Maya, let's find someplace quieter." Even if DJ had been entertaining the thought of backing down, Maya's dark, pleading, silent gaze would have kept him from doing it; instead, he held his .45 steady and said softly, "Kaji, I'm having the very worst day of my entire life. I honestly feel I've nothing more to lose." His control over his tone of voice faded as he went on, and his eyes flashed something that wasn't entirely anger as he growled, "Now let Maya go or I swear I'll kill you!" "Uh... DJ, think about this for a second," said Jon diffidently. "I mean, sure, he's obviously doing the Wrong Thing here, but... do you really think you need to -kill- him?" "That's quite up to Ryoji here, don't you think?" DJ snarled. Jon turned a helpless look to Kaji and said, "I think you should do as he says, Mr. Kaji." "Well?" DJ asked, fighting to keep his voice even and blinking away sudden tears. "What's it gonna be, Ryoji? You can walk out of here, but not with Maya." Kaji's grin didn't falter. He reached out and unlocked the exit door, toeing it open, and dragged Maya a step closer. "Kid," he sneered, "you won't shoot. You don't have - " POW! Ryoji Kaji flinched, took a half-step backward, released Maya, as the front of his shirt jumped and a blood-soaked hole appeared high on his chest. Blood spattered the floor in front of him. "What the hell was that?!" DJ shouted, his .45 still unfired. "I dunno," Kaji mused. Then he grinned, an "oh what the hell" kind of grin. "I guess I'm dead!" he said cheerfully, and keeled over backward. Jon Ellison had seen death, but never like this. He was momentarily dumbfounded by what he'd just witnessed; for a long moment, he just stood there in stunned silence, trying to parse the fact that yes, he'd just seen Ryoji Kaji die of a gunshot wound that -nobody had inflicted-. "My God," Maya whispered to DJ. "Is he... " "Yes," DJ replied, struggling to compose himself. "He's dead." "You can't stay here," she told him, gripping his shoulders with a strength born of desperation. "Ikari... he'll have you killed for this. He has that authority during a crisis." "Not if he wants this Angel stopped, he won't," DJ replied grimly. "Besides, what was I supposed to do, let the bastard take you? He gave me no option. And anyway, I didn't shoot him - his squib just went off by itself." Maya sobbed, crushing her face into DJ's chest, and murmured, "That won't matter to Ikari." "To hell with Ikari!" DJ replied vehemently. "Are you all right? That's the important thing." "I... I will be... " Maya replied. "Right, then. Let's go. We're going to have to shoot this damn scene all over again, and it's already four-bloody-thirty in the afternoon." - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - But standing she was, next to the bed she'd occupied for far too long - standing with a cane, one of the metal sorts with a handle and a brace against her forearm, but otherwise unassisted. Cold sweat stood out on her pale forehead, and she breathed in hissing rasps through her clenched teeth, but by God, she was standing on her own. Letting out an explosive breath, she relinquished her mental grip on her reluctant flesh and let herself sink backward into a wheelchair, the cane almost falling from her hand before she could catch it. Now, quivering slightly in the wake of such total effort, she slumped forward and let out something akin to a sob, tears welling up in her eyes. Rei Ayanami dropped to one knee next to the wheelchair and put her hand on Asuka's forearm. "Don't cry," she said softly. "You did well." "I can barely stand up," Asuka growled, her anger directed not at the other girl but rather at herself. "How can you call that doing well?" "You were -really- drunk," Rei observed. "Your hangover won't go away all at once. You have nothing to be ashamed of." "I - " Asuka stopped, took a deep breath, then burst out laughing as, all around her, the set and camera crews disintegrated. Rei kept her deadpan look, as though she had no idea why everyone was laughing. "You little bitch," said Asuka good-naturedly. Rei's only response was to smile a little smile. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - Kaji stirred, groaned, and sat up, raising a hand to his head. Then he glanced around in confusion at the gloomy, cold metal room full of hibernacula, and down at the close-fitting gray coverall he was wearing. Then he turned his dark, confused eyes on DJ. "Who are you?" he asked, coughing as his voice caught in his dry throat. Recovering quickly, he went on, "Where am I?" "It's rather a long story," DJ replied. "C'mon, can you walk? We've got to get out of here." Ryoji climbed unsteadily out of the hibernaculum chamber; DJ leaned past him and closed the lid again, then reactivated the controls. "This won't fool anyone for long, but it might not have to," he said. Just as he spoke, the whooping blare of an alarm siren filled the air, and the room's bluish gloom was split by flashing red lights. "Shit!" DJ snarled. "Come on! We've got to get out of here -now-!" He yanked his .45 out from under his jacket and grabbed the still-unsteady Kaji by his arm, hauling him bodily toward the door at the far end of the room. Just as he did so, the sound of running feet outside reached a crescendo, and the vault door nearer Kaji's hibernaculum swung open. DJ turned to face the entering guard, then froze in stunned amazement, his jaw dropping. The creature standing in the doorway was not a large man. No, though tallish it was a rather thin fellow in his mid-twenties, with long straw-blond hair tied in a ponytail. He was dressed in jeans, Chuck Taylor sneakers, and a psychedelic tie-dyed Mexican wool pullover, and had on his head a ballcap advertising a popular Worcester pizza shop. In one hand he had a large, flat, white cardboard box. "Celestial Pizza!" he said cheerfully. "Delivered on the Wings of Angels!" "Good God!" DJ cried. "A pizza deliveryman, -here-?!" DJ and Kaji stumbled backward in sheer horror; then the SFX charges went off in the hibernaculum they'd been standing in front of - the only other activated one in the room. Huge clouds of steam and a deafening hissing noise filled the room as cryonic fluid lines were severed. The hibernaculum's own system failure alarm added to the cacophony. DJ slipped on the metal floor, fell down, and surrendered himself to laughter. Kaji followed. "Uh... dude," said the pizza guy's voice, its owner invisible in the mist. "I get the feeling I'm not supposed to be here... " The door swung open again, and the creature standing in the doorway now was not, despite its hulking silhouette, a large man either. It was certainly large - over seven feet tall - but it wasn't a man at all. Its body was hyperdeveloped, with impossibly broad shoulders and muscles bulging beyond any bodybuilder's most disturbing efforts, but its head was smaller than a man's, dominated by a pair of large, yellow, pupilless eyes and a wide, fanged mouth, without much forehead to speak of. It wore a close-fitting green jumpsuit with a belt of equipment at its waist, and had a futuristic-looking rifle at the ready, its sling over one enormous shoulder. The skin of its noseless face and three-fingered hands was a vivid shade of purple. The Muton looked puzzledly around, shrugged, and went back out again. To the blindingly thick mists and the sounds of Kaji and DJ still laughing fit to burst, the pizza guy said plaintively, "This is the door the security dude told me to come in, just for the record." "CUT!" bellowed the director. "Misato, go tell Otis he's fucking fired." - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - As the SEELE Antonov AN-411 streaked across the sky toward Worcester-3, Shinji Ikari mentally reviewed the information he'd been given during the mission briefing. It was to be a precision strike, the first in a series which, when complete, would drop the city's defensive capability to virtually nil. The primary targets for Phase One were above-ground installations - weapons blocks, communications towers, and the most strategically-placed of lift bays and thoroughfares. Paralysis, not infiltration or theft, was the order of the day. SEELE had provided the Third Child with a map of the most vulnerable locations, which he brought up on EVA-04's viewscreen for a final review. "Third Child, we're approaching the drop zone. Your synchrotron readings are holding at 45%, and all systems appear to be go. Are you ready?" Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm ready." "OK, drop in 3... 2... 1... -drop-." With a shuddering clang, the clamps holding EVA-04 aboard the AN-411 released their holds. Well, three them did, anyway. "Gaaah!" Shinji cried as the unit hung by its right shoulder in the only remaining clamp, its feet flapping in the slipstream. "What the hell - " Creeeeeakkkk... WHANG!! The remaining clamp, asked to support the unit's total weight, sheared away from its hardpoint, and the unit plummeted free, any semblance of an orderly drop configuration gone. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!" Shinji Ikari remarked as his EVA tumbled two thousand feet, arms and legs flailing. Any hope of Shinji's recovering the unit's equilibrium was spoiled by the multi-ton steel clamp still attached to its right shoulder flange, whose trailing, severed cables and hoses whipped musically about in the wind as the unit approached terminal velocity. "Oh, shit," said the AN-411's pilot as his practiced eye gauged the unit's modified trajectory. With a deafening KERRANG!, EVA-04 plowed through the forest of guywires and cable stays that held the forest of mast and dish antennae atop Worcester-3's AT&T Tower upright, then crashed through the antennae themselves, scattering wreckage in all directions. One of the guywires caught on part of the clamp, finally tearing it free from the EVA's shoulder. The EVA itself continued onward, its considerable momentum only slightly eroded by the impact, skipped off the end of the roof, plunged 200 feet, smashed -completely through- the Multitech building across the street, and finally came to rest face-down in the vacant lot behind Multitech. "Shinji! Shinji, are you OK?!" the AN-411's pilot called frantically. Shinji Ikari shook his head, blinked, and realized that he was, in fact, OK. The unit was only superficially damaged; he got it to its feet, brushed it off, and replied, "Yeah, I'm OK. We can go ahead unless we have to re-shoot the landing." "Forget it," said the voice of the director. "We're already 2 mill overbudget and a month behind sched on this episode. We'll just edit around it - stick a short control-room scene in there and cut back to you after you land." "10-4," said Shinji. Not bad, Shinji thought. Not the most graceful of landings, but given less than a week of training and only those ersatz air-drop landings to work with, no one could have expected better. He unslung his EVA's autorifle and set about causing some damage. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - "Unit 04, what the hell are you playing at?" demanded Natla. "Kill her and get on with your mission!" "NO!" Shinji shouted, slamming a hand down on the communications panel and cutting off the command frequency. "I didn't come here to kill anyone," he added, though now he was only transmitting on the tactical band used by NERV. His head swam, and he could feel the panic crawling up into his throat. His purpose was no longer clear, he had failed to leave the city fast enough, Rei Ayanami was in the wrong EVA, Jon Ellison was nowhere to be seen, and the other unit - Oh shit! Shinji's realization came a moment too late. While Rei approached and diverted his attention, Asuka had maneuvered Unit 03 around to Shinji's blind side. Now, As Rei brought Moloch's hand up to grasp the barrel of Unit 04's autorfile, Orcus passed by Unit 04 at a dead run. The black EVA reached out and tore at the Elerium collider which powered 04 with all its might, hoping beyond hope that it would break loose. It didn't. Shinji screamed as Malphas was spun around by the force of the impact. 04's rifle was jarred loose, but not before its startled pilot accidentally blanketed a city block with stray charges, breaking windows and setting off a nearby Cadillac's car alarm. EVA-03, thrown hopelessly off-balance by the unsuccessful maneuver, held onto the silver EVA for dear life... only to have its arc of motion carry it into a EVA-00 before Rei could react. Both NERV units came crashing down in a tangled heap, while Ikari struggled valiantly to remain upright in the wake of this second jolt. After a few uncertain steps and much flailing of limbs, EVA-04 regained its balance. Shinji calmly guided the EVA back towards the scene of the impact, and thumbed the external PA's activation switch. "'My name is Asuka Soryu-Langley,'" Ikari intoned, in his best imitation of the German pilot's vocal inflection. "'I'm the Second Child; I'm here to give the program some much-needed respectability.'" "Ahh, du kannst mich mal!" came the embittered reply, as Shinji and the production crew dissolved into laughter. - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - When he heard the door bang open again behind him, DJ turned, saw the dark suit as he'd expected and loosed two rounds, staying as low as he could and still run. The stunner yelled again, but he'd opened up enough range that the agent's aim wouldn't have been very good even had DJ not thrown him off further by shooting at him. DJ came even with a door labeled "FILENE'S SERVICE", drew himself back, and kicked just inboard of the doorknob with the heel of one of his Denali Ranger wilderness boots. The frame splintered and the door slammed open; DJ was through it in the next second. He emerged from the stockroom area of Filene's at a dead run, turned the corner by the shoe department - - and nearly came face to face with a different man in a dark suit, who was just coming from Menswear and had his own stunner out, but not raised. They saw and recognized each other at the same instant. DJ reacted faster; his V10 snapped up and let fly twice. The agent glanced down, saw that he was uninjured, then looked up at DJ and grinned. "You missed," he said, raising his stunner. "Now wait just a damn minute - " DJ began indignantly, backpedaling. POP! POP! The agent glanced down in surprise as a double-lobed crimson blossom abruptly decorated his white shirt, a tidy pair of holes punched in his tie. DJ stopped backing, grinned, pointed at the agent, and said, "Ah - !" "Fuck," said the agent, and he collapsed on his back. "CUT!" bellowed the director. "Could we PLEASE have a squib shot work right around here sometime??" - -- ---- -------- ---- -- - DJ could, perhaps, be forgiven for not immediately recognizing Kevin. He looked very different from the last time DJ had seen him. His raincoat had started to tatter a bit at the edges, and his shirt was filthy, yet for some reason, he still wore his necktie, loosely knotted at his throat. His once-pale skin was dusky, and not entirely with grime, though he had accumulated a good helping of that too. Where before he had faintly resembled Rei, now he looked more like Jon; his hair, matted and spiky, had gone jet black, and his eyes glittered like emeralds, hard, cold, and green. Kevin reached down, gathered the SEELE agent's shirtfront into his long-fingered hand, and lifted the man off the floor as if he weighed nothing at all. "-He- knows," said Kevin, holding the man at his eye level. His voice was a hoarse, harsh rasp. "And he's going to tell us exactly how to get there... aren't you?" he asked the agent icily. The agent did not answer, his head lolling. "Uh, Kevin," said Asuka. "Yes," said Kevin, ignoring her, his thin lips twisting into a sardonic sneer. "You're going to be very cooperative indeed." He shook the man slightly; the agent still did not react. Kevin began to look a little perturbed. "Kevin," said Shinji. "Quiet!" Kevin snarled. "You -will- tell us what we want to know," he said to the limp agent, who still failed to respond. "-Kevin-... " said DJ. "ENOUGH!" Kevin roared. "I am TRYING to - " Asuka walked briskly over, stuck her hand through the bowling-ball-sized hole in the agent's upper torso, grabbed Kevin's tie and jerked it smartly. "KEVIN!" Kevin, forced to glance down by the sudden tug, realized his mistake. "Nrrrgh," he said irritably, tossing the dead man aside and picking up the -other- SEELE agent. "HE knows," said Kevin doggedly. "And HE's going to be very cooperative indeed!" /* J.P. Sousa "The Liberty Bell" */ NEON EXODUS EVANGELION BONUS THEATER!! was conceived, written and performed by Ben Hutchins Rei Ayanami John Trussell Rei Ayanami Asuka Soryu-Langley Rei Ayanami DJ Croft Rei Ayanami Jon Ellison Rei Ayanami Gendou Ikari Rei Ayanami Ritsuko Akagi Rei Ayanami Maya Ibuki Rei Ayanami Misato Katsuragi Rei Ayanami Otto Keller Rei Ayanami Ryoji Kaji Rei Ayanami Shinji Ikari Rei Ayanami Kevin Nelson Rei Ayanami Jacqueline Natla and featured Jack McKernan Makoto Hyuuga Shigeru Aoba A. Muton Agent Gordon Squibb and Zach Stephens as himself With apologies to Keith Olbermann (c) 2000 E P U (Colour)