/* Genesis "Land of Confusion" (Extended CD-Single version) */ EYRIE PRODUCTIONS, UNLIMITED presents NEON EXODUS EVANGELION EXODUS 3:0 - THE BIG SHOW Inspired by NEON GENESIS EVANGELION created by Hideaki Anno, Gainax, et al. Most characters created by Hideaki Anno and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto except DJ Croft created by Benjamin D. Hutchins Jon Ellison created by Larry Mann and Kenny Mayne, Dan Patrick and Chris Berman who are real people Additional material and inspiration cadged from TOMB RAIDER by Core Design, Ltd., X-COM: UFO DEFENSE and sequels from MPS Labs (whoever owns them nowadays), THE X-FILES created by Chris Carter, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY by Arthur C. Clarke, and SPORTSCENTER by the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network Written by Benjamin D. Hutchins from a story by John Trussell Aided and abetted by the Eyrie Productions, Unlimited crew and special-guest-for-life Phil Moyer (c) 1998 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited The members of the SEELE council filed into the council chamber and took their seats in stony silence, as always. At the end of the table, Gendou Ikari stood, his hands folded, his face impassive. He knew his masters were displeased with his performance. He'd been summoned here to give them an accounting of the last few months' events. As the councillors took their seats, Jacqueline Natla nodded to Ikari, signaling him to begin his presentation. It came as a bit of a surprise to Ikari, then, when rather than the cold white light of a spotlight upon him and the hum of the display screen, the chamber was suddenly filled with music, a sprightly, up-tempo horn arrangement. Lights came up at the far end, revealing the display screen, but in front of it there was a news-studio-like desk, and seated behind it were two smiling men in dark suits. Ikari stumbled back a step, his face etched with shock, and all but collapsed into a chair as the music peaked, and then the man on the right grinned and spoke. /* ESPN SportsCenter opening theme */ DAN PATRICK: Good evening, and welcome to SportsCenter. Alongside Kenny Mayne, I am, alas, merely Dan Patrick. KENNY MAYNE: Tonight we've got a special look back at the 2015 National Evangelion League regular season - the NEL is, of course, scheduled to head for the playoffs next week. DP: Sportswriters around the world were uncertain of the EVA team's prospects right from the beginning. Speculation ran rampant that the team's chances would be irreparably harmed by head coach Gendou Ikari's failure to sign a very promising free agent in the preseason. KM: Coupled with the injury of the team's starting guard, #1 Rei Ayanami, in preseason training, this failure had some predicting that the EVAs would fold before the All-Star Break. (Behind the two men, still pictures of each named individual appear on the viewscreen as they are mentioned.) DP: So dim were the EVAs' starting prospects that, on Opening Day back in June, they didn't even have a starting player. KM: Enter English dark horse DJ Croft, signed by Coach Ikari in the nick of time. DP: #5 Croft was to have a difficult time of it from the get-go, as, with very little prep time, he was put up against the Angels' power forward, #3 Zachiel, in the opening match. (Footage of DJ's at-first-losing battle with the Third Angel plays.) KM (VOICEOVER): The Angels jumped out to an early lead, while Croft didn't seem to know which end of his EVA was up in the first half. (ON SCREEN: EVA-01 crashes inert to its back, its arm broken and head mangled, and lies still.) DP: He seems to have worked it out over halftime, though, because in the second half it was -all- EVAs. (OS: EVA-01 recovers, repairs its arm, and goes to town on the Third Angel.) KM: The Angels ended up forfeiting this game to preserve the points spread. (OS: The Third Angel self-destructs.) DP: The Angels wasted no time in moving to Game Two, this time sending in #4 Shamshel, another strong offensive player. Again the EVAs started #5 Croft. (OS: Shamshel and EVA-01 battle it out; Unit 01 is cut off from its power supply and then smashed against a hill, after which it moves only spasmodically.) KM (VO): Croft, kept on the run by the Angel throughout the match, takes a -hard- hit in the third quarter and has some trouble getting his EVA back on its feet. Assistant Coach Misato Katsuragi deciding to field the team's second guard, #4 Jon Ellison, originally signed as a replacement for the injured Rei Ayanami. DP: Ellison, -just- back from training camp and not really on his game yet, can really only fight a holding action while Croft goes back to the bench to get checked over. (OS: EVA-03 struggling with the Fourth Angel; then EVA-01 returns to the field and the two EVAs together destroy the Angel.) KM: He does the job, though, keeping the Angel from scoring until Croft can get back into the game, and, between the two of them, they manage to pull this one out. DP: On to Game Three. Once again the Angels dominated the first half, thanks to the efforts of #5 Ramiel, the team's acknowledged number-three power hitter. KM: Jon Ellison - (OS: EVA-03 is launched, cannot separate from the stand, and is skewered by the Fifth Angel's blast before retraction.) KM: - not his night, he doesn't even make it off the bench before being sidelined with equipment problems. (OS: The Fifth Angel beings drilling through the Geo-Front's armor.) DP: Without any active EVA players on the field, the Angels start probing the team's defense, but Assistant Coach Katsuragi's got something up her sleeve. (OS: The artillery shot and other attempts at gauging the Fifth Angel's power.) DP: A few feints to test the Angels' zone coverage and then it's on to the second half, Angels 1, EVAs nothing. (OS: EVA-01 and EVA-00 in position on Mount Wachusett.) KM: #5 DJ Croft steps to the plate, with guard #1 Rei Ayanami off the injured list and ready for play for the first time this season. He and the Angel take their first shots in an awesome double offense, both... (OS: The two shots cross, interfering with each other's flight path.) KM: ... juuuuust a little bit wide. (OS: The Angel's shot blows a chunk out of the mountain, DJ's flies off into the distance.) KM: The Angels with the quicker recovery time, they get off their second shot on goal in -seconds- and it looks like it's -all over-... (OS: The Fifth Angel fires again, but EVA-00 springs into the line of fire with its shield.) DP: But it's AYANAMI with a specTACular save!! The girl is, dare I say it, en fuego. KM: Croft with no opportunity to play it by the book, he takes his second shot of the night from -way- outsiiiiiiiide... (OS: DJ's second shot spears the Angel dead-on, destroying it.) KM: ... YAHTZEE!! I am AMUSED by the SIMPLICITY of this game! The EVAs win it three survivors to none. DP: Round Four, EVAs at Angels, was one of only three away games for the EVAs all season. It was also the major-league debut of Team EVA's other starting center, #2 Asuka Soryu-Langley, the former All-Germany EVA League champion. (OS: The Sixth Angel, unseen, destroying the fleet.) KM: The Angels' star swimming-back, #6 Gaghiel, -tore up- the EVAs' second string in the first period. DP: Proceeding, I guess, on the theory that two heads are better than one, -both- EVA centers came out in the same unit to take on the Angels after the first intermission. (OS: EVA-02 springing from ship to ship, finally landing on the carrier; Gaghiel then nearly swamps the ship and the EVA, fitted with a power cable, goes overboard.) KM: Early in the third period it was starting to look like a fishing trip as the Angel player took the EVAs for a ride... (OS: Huge underwater explosion, followed by EVA-02 landing on deck.) DP: ... But the joke was on the Angels as the two EVA players pulled out all the stops for an atomic win. (OS: Scratchy b&w gun-camera footage of the battle with the Seventh Angel.) DP: Game Five returned to Worcester-3 as scheduled despite a -power outage- at the venue that made for a disappointing amount of highlights footage. DJ Croft benched with equipment problems, Ayanami and Soryu-Langley with the double-play defense, Jon Ellison returns from the injured list after his close call in Round Three to pinch-hit for the EVAs and score the game-winning run. KM: Moving on to the next game, 'cause the highlights are better there. (OS: The caldera at Kilauea.) KM: The sixth game of the season found the EVAs on the road again, this time in sunny Hawaii for what looked more like a diving competition than an NEL game. DP: It seemed like everything went wrong for #2 Soryu-Langley, as she contended with the slow-starting but wily Angel player, #8 Sandalphon, plus an equipment failure that almost put her out of the starting lineup for the rest of the season. (OS: EVA-02 grapples with the Eighth Angel, the cooling system is damaged, EVA-02 destroys the Angel and is rescued by EVA-03.) KM: But Soryu-Langley's got a few tricks of her own, and in a brilliant move she turns her equipment problem into an offensive tactic. A spectacular save by Ellison and this one's in the book, EVAs 1, Angels zip. DP: Back at home for Game Seven, the EVAs starting to feel the effects of a flat-out season. They've been playing hard and racking up a lot of injuries, so team morale isn't what it could be, and now they have to face one of the Angels' best players, #9 "Sneaky Pete" Israfel. (OS: Israfel vs. EVA-03 and EVA-00. Jon and Rei completely lose track of what positions they're supposed to be; the Angel divides in two and handily beats the crud out of them.) KM: Dan, a lot of people would like to know what Head Coach Gendou Ikari was thinking to send two strong guards like Ayanami and Ellison up against this Angel with no center to back them up. It's clear -they- don't know what the plan's supposed to be; neither one can effectively guard as both are wondering if they're supposed to be playing center, and the result is almost an embarrassing defeat. DP: No argument there, Kenny. Only a last-ditch N2 deployment by Assistant Coach Misato Katsuragi sends this game into overtime and prevents the season from ending right here. (OS: N2 blast carbonizes the Angels, freezing them temporarily in place.) DP: Fortunately, Katsuragi was able to make the assignments for the overtime round, benching Ellison and putting center Croft with guard Ayanami. (OS: EVA-00 and EVA-01 split up the two Angels, leading them to opposite ends of Worcester-3.) KM: The team of Croft and Ayanami really works for them here, pulling the Angels' carefully structured offense apart and wrecking Sneaky Pete's rhythm. (OS: EVA-00 slams its Prog Knife into its opponent's core.) KM: BAM... (OS: EVA-01 does the same to its opponent.) KM: ... BAM! A perfect double play by the two EVA players, and -that's- why we call this 'sudden death'. DP: The EVAs lead the Angels into the mid-season break up 7-0, despite coaching problems and some definite issues with team morale. KM: When we return, a look at the All-Star Game and the second half of the regular season. Don't go away. (Commercial break. Advertisements for Corley Motors' Factory-Authorized Fall Clearance Sale, ESPN2's "Xtreme Rollergolf 2Night", deodorant soap and take-out pizza.) DP: Welcome back to the big show. The mid-season break went uneventfully for the EVAs, except for a reportedly haywire training computer that shut down the batting cages for a few days. KM: The lack of training time didn't seem to affect the team's pace when it came time for the All-Star Game, though. (OS: Maya faces down Dr. Nakamura of AG Systems at the military banquet for the unveiling of Jet Alone.) DP: Last-minute substitution Maya Ibuki at bat for the NERV team against the Military-Industrial Complex's star forward Hideki "The Wild Man" Nakamura, Ibuki with the early lead: NAKAMURA (on screen): We, uh, we weighed certain intangible factors... IBUKI (on screen): Intangible factors are a crutch for poor science, Mr. Nakamura. We at the NERV Technology Division prefer numbers. KM: But Nakamura and AG rally late in the second quarter... NAKAMURA (OS): Jet Alone's reactor system is the safest in the world! Your arguments are the wailings of a hysterical woman. Nuclear power is much safer than these crazed, ill-explained monsters you've created at NERV! Jet Alone's technologies are -understood-! You, Akagi and the rest are experimenting with things Man was -never meant to understand- and we'll -all- pay the price for your arrogance if the project isn't ended. DP: ... only to come up against a magnificent counter-offensive from Ibuki... IBUKI (OS): Strange, Mr. Nakamura. The only hysterical person I see here is you. KM: I must ACE you!! Nakamura flounders through the rest of the match and it's 1-0 NERV going into the second round. DP: Round Two, the Military-Industrial Complex pulls out -all- the stops, and it's look out NERV: Here comes JET ALONE! (OS: JA takes the field and goes through maneuvers.) KM: JA lookin' strong in the third quarter, but in the fourth, Military-Industrial's head coach General Davis MacIntyre apparently loses the playbook! (OS: JA starts walking mindlessly in a straight line.) DP: Jet Alone forfeits the game and starts counting down toward the destruction of a good-sized chunk of northern New England, and an embarrassed Military-Industrial Complex have to turn to NERV to help them keep their ex-star from scoring a serious own goal. (OS: EVA-02 stops Jet Alone.) DP: In a surprise play, NERV relief pitcher John Trussell enters play to take on Jet Alone from within! The EVAs win it in overtime, it's Trussell's first career save. (OS: Truss, in radsuit with helmet off, back at the staging area, drinks a bottle of Tang, then exchanges high fives with Asuka and Misato.) KM (VO): I am the most popular console tech in all the land! Bring me the finest meats and cheeses for a tremendous clubhouse feast! DP: Rumors of serious friction between Team EVA head coach Gendou Ikari and star center #5 DJ Croft dogged the team as they came back from the All-Star break for Game Eight of the regular season. (OS: The Eleventh Angel in orbit.) KM (VO): And that's bad news, because the team would need all their teamwork in place to take on their next opponent, the Angels' all-time top-scoring power hitter, #11 Sahaquiel. DP: Assistant coach Misato Katsuragi again proving her worth to the organization as she comes up with a brilliant two-prong defense. All four EVA players are on the field for the first time in the season. (OS: Kronos launch.) KM: Jon Ellison and Asuka Soryu-Langley reach for the sky as they intercept the Angel on his approach to the end zone. Sahaquiel tries for the long goal before they can get to him... (OS: Sahaquiel bombs the Atlantic.) KM (VO): ... but he can't... quite... get there. (OS: EVA-02 and EVA-03 battle the Eleventh Angel in orbit.) DP: Trading volleys with the Angel in orbit, Ellison takes a -hard- shot from Sahaquiel that takes out his comm system and his flight computer, but look at the skill this guy has. (OS: EVA-03 tumbles to a stop short of Babylon 2.) DP (VO): He -barely- keeps it out of the space station, with nothing to work with but manual controls. Really championship-caliber work. KM (nods): Everybody on the team really pulled their weight on this one. (OS: EVA-01 and EVA-00 wait on the ground. Cut to an orbital shot of Sahaquiel in re-entry.) DP (VO): DJ Croft and Rei Ayanami wait groundside as the Angel goes for the blitz. (OS: The two EVAs race at full run toward the touchdown point as the Angel closs in.) DP (VO, cont'd): Some terrific fieldwork by these two - they really have to motor in order to intercept the Angel before he can get to the end zone. (OS: EVA-01's AT field surges out and blocks the Angel's fall.) KM (VO): Croft and Ayanami get under it... (OS: EVA-00 stabs the Angel's core; the Angel settles, then explodes.) KM (VO, cont'd): YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!! TERRIFIC defensive teamwork by these two. DP: Y'know, I think Ayanami's the silent core of this team. Remember, she came back from -terrible- injuries in the pre-season, injuries that some thought would be career-ending. There's something just incredibly tough about her. Seems like she's -always- there when her teammates need her. KM: You said it, Dan - and nowhere would that be more in evidence than in Game Nine. (OS: The black sphere hangs over Worcester-3.) [DP: With the rumored personality clash between head coach Ikari and star center Croft at an all-time high, team morale was very poor heading into this round. Eight rounds' worth of narrow escapes, wear and tear, and partially healed injuries were beginning to catch up to the EVA team, and it showed in their performance in Game Nine. (OS: EVA-01 fires on the sphere and is lost to the spreading void.) KM: DJ Croft with an incredibly sloppy play - this is the worst we've seen him all season. The game goes to the second period scoreless, and it seems as if Croft's in a whole lot of trouble. (OS: EVA-03 enters the anomaly.) DP: At the start of the second period, #1 Ayanami -stuns- her teammates by -willingly- entering the opposing team's offensive zone. For a few minutes this looks like as pointless and suicidal a play as Croft's first-period no-brainer, until... (OS: EVA-03 begins tearing its way out of the anomaly.) KM (VO): I am the Queen of the Geo-Front! Your puny spatial anomaly is insufficient to contain my gargantuan might!! (OS: EVA-03 completes its escape and the anomaly explodes; EVA-03 stands over EVA-01, AT field still burning flamelike around it.) DP (VO): Dare I say it again, Rei Ayanami; dare I say it again, en fuego. KM: For Game Ten, the Angels send in a surprise player in #12 Bardiel, a switch-hitter with an undistinguished record... but with Team EVA's morale and coherence still sliding, Bardiel is able to make this the closest game yet at the half. (OS: Unit 02 goes berserk and destroys the Framingham test facility.) DP (VO): Bardiel manages to take over #2 Asuka Soryu-Langley's ride -with her in it-, making for an interesting defensive situation for the EVAs. (OS: EVA-03 engages EVA-02; the corruption spreads and EVA-03 jettisons its arm and collapses.) DP (VO, cont'd): #1 Ayanami can't stop him, and with #4 Ellison held in the dugout by Coach Ikari, it's all up to DJ Croft... (OS: EVA-01 tries to maneuver into position to cut EVA-02's entry plug clear.) DP (VO, cont'd): ... who balks at attacking the unit with Soryu-Langely still inside. KM: Coach Ikari, in his most controversial move of the season, pulls an -illegal substitution- and takes control of the unit away from Croft, and the result... is horrifying. (OS: EVA-01 destroys EVA-02. Medtechs rush Asuka's broken form to the infirmary.) KM (VO): Soryu-Langley critically injured in this debacle, she'll be on the injured list for at least six months, if she returns to play at all. No word yet, but her injuries could very well be career-ending. (OS: EVA-03 and EVA-02 prevent EVA-01 from wrecking the Geo-Front.) DP: Croft is absolutely furious with Coach Ikari for the illegal sub and its consequences - only the intervention of his teammates stops him from expressing his displeasure with his EVA's fists. In the resulting blow-up, Croft is -dismissed from the team-. KM: If anybody had any doubts that Coach Ikari is losing it, this game should have changed their mind. (OS: Zeruel attacks Worcester-3.) KM (VO): And with the EVA team in an absolute shambles - one center out of the action, possibly permanently, and the other thrown off the team - morale at an all-time low and only one undamaged, functioning piece of equipment in the lineup, the Angels immediately go to Game Eleven, sending in brawny #13, Zeruel, a -very- powerful hitter, their number two after Sahaquiel, with the team's top score in rushing. (OS: EVA-00 takes on Zeruel, and loses its arms and head for its troubles.) DP: Jon Ellison's hard-luck streak continues as he's taken out post-haste. This guy's a great player who just can't -buy- a break this year. (OS: EVA-03, one-armed, engages the Angel with an N2 canister and is nearly destroyed, to little avail.) KM: Ayanami with a spectacular sacrifice play, but it's not enough to stop Zeruel either. (OS: Zeruel breaches the Geo-Front and attacks Central Dogma.) DP: Zeruel penetrating -deep- into the EVAs' defensive zone, and it looks like it's all over, except for... (OS: EVA-01 tackles the Angel onto a lift platform, which shoots them back to the surface.) KM: DJ CROFT! My power is beYOND your understanding! He re-enters the game with Coach Ikari's grudging permission to pull it out in the final seconds of play! DP: And we're heading into ooooovertime. (OS: EVA-01 beats Zeruel down.) KM (VO): Croft is going downTOWN on this Angel! DP (VO, cont'd): Maybe he's pretending it's Coach Ikari. (OS: EVA-01 loses power.) DP: One panicked moment late in the overtime period as EVA-01 loses power, then takes a bit of a beating from the Angel, but... (OS: EVA-01 reactivates and systematically destroys Zeruel.) DP: You can't stop DJ Croft; you can only hope to contain him. Croft and his EVA absolutely -demolish- the Angel and snatch another Team EVA victory from the jaws of defeat. They end the regular season with a record of 10-1, Game Ten forfeited by Ikari's illegal substitution, but behind this seemingly sterling record lies the terrible price they've paid to get there. Here with a post-season analysis is ESPN's own Chris Berman. (BERMAN appears on screen to give his commentary.) CB: Thanks, Dan. For the beleaguered Head Coach Gendou Ikari "Dickory Dock" and his team, the question now becomes: Can they be in any kind of shape for the playoffs? The team's equipment and their headquarters are in ruins, both of their centers are on the indefinite injured list and nobody left on the team trusts Gendou Ikari as far as they can throw him. Some say their best bet would be to get rid of Ikari altogether and elevate assistant coach Misato "It Was Much Better Than" Katsuragi to the head coaching position. She's shown several times over the season that she has what it takes to pull the team's fat out of the fire after Ikari puts it there, and by all accounts the players trust her. For these questions, as for all questions, only time will tell. And what of the four key players on this team? With luck, DJ "Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince" Croft will be off the injured list by Christmas. (OS: DJ and Rei destroy the Eleventh Angel.) CB: As long as the team has Coach Katsuragi and the team of Croft and "Sugar" Rei Ayanami, I don't think you can count them out. (OS: Jon handles the Seventh Angel.) CB: Wily veteran Jon "Harlan" Ellison may just have something up his sleeve for the post-season as well. (OS: EVA-02 is destroyed by EVA-01.) CB: And what of Asuka "Never Say You're" Soryu-Langley? Will she ever return to the field, this year or any other? There's still been no word from the team's management about her condition or her expected recovery time. If she's out permanently, she leaves a major void in the team's power structure that they probably won't be able to fill at this late date. (OS: Ritsuko, Maya and Truss in the booth.) CB: But you can't discount the contributions of manager "Puttin' On The" Ritsuko Akagi and her top staffers, Maya "What Big Eyes You Have" Ibuki and John "Big" Trussell "In Little China", in the dugout. With these two to back up Assistant Coach Katsuragi, the EVA team epitomizes Yogi Berra's great ethos: "It ain't over 'til it's over." Back to you, Kenny and Dan. (BERMAN disappears from the screen, leaving the NERV logo.) DP: Thanks, Chris. National Evangelion League playoff action starts in ten days, and you can catch all the action right here on ESPN. For now, and henceforth I hope, I'm Dan Patrick. KM: And I'm Kenny Mayne. Goodnight. /* ESPN SportsCenter closing theme */ Misato Katsuragi awoke with a start, an empty Guinness can falling from her hand to the floor with a muffled thump. Through eyes fogged with unexpected sleep and one too many beers for a proper evening's relaxation (or about a dozen too few for a proper bender), she took in the darkness of the living room around her, lit only by the garish, shifting color tones of the television. Golf... it was showing golf. Why the hell would she be watching golf? She wouldn't, the answer came to her slowly. She'd dozed off. A squint at the clock on the VCR showed that it was around midnight, which meant she must been asleep for half an hour or so. The last thing she remembered, and so the show she must have dozed off during, was 'SportsCenter', which had apparently just ended. Dragging herself to her feet, she muffled a belch, then winced as stomach acid clawed its way partway up to the back of her throat. Shouldn't have had the nachos, she chided herself. Shouldn't have had the last beer, either. Ought to take better care of yourself. DJ would be disappointed. Oh, she reminded herself crossly as she paused in the bathroom to down a Tagamet and then shuffled off to bed, and stop thinking about him as if he's dead, because he isn't, damn it. He can't be. I have a promise to keep to him. Back in the living room, Pen-Pen switched off the TV, yawned, stretched his flippers, and headed for his fridge. /* The Ventures "Blue Moon" _Walk - Don't Run_ */ NEXT EPISODE: The balance of trust shifts as the treacherous forces arrayed against NERV close in... ... and DJ takes a journey. Be here in ten days for the start of the regular season: NEON EXODUS EVANGELION EXODUS 3:1 - CQD 7/24/98