Our Story So Far:

While Luke broods over the fact that he might be succumbing to the dark
side of the force (with Leia trying to cheer him up.  C3-PO and R2-D2
wander off into the desert.  After watching a small scene with the 
doodlebugs, the droids are kidnapped by Shredder, Be Bop, and Rock

At the local Star Trek convention, Worf is mistaken for an actor in a 
parody play being put on by the local fan group.  Worf is saved by the
last minute script revision, and gets a chance to learn all of his lines
before the play.

In the skies over planet Earth, The Enterprise 1701-A keeps a watchful eye
on the Romulan vessel that followed them through the time warp.  As they
watch, the Romulans leave orbit, and head towards an approaching fleet from
a galaxy far, far away.  The Romulans, for their part, are trying to 
surrender not only themselves, but the entire planet Earth to the approaching
fleet.  Instead, they are taken by a tractor beam.

After some initial apprehension about the potential existence of Marvin the
Robot in the vicinity, the Doctor and his companions head towards the Air
Force Jet Testing range.  Sam Beckett in his guise as Oscar Goldman is 
interviewing Doctor's who work for the government, hoping that one of them
will be the "Doctor" he is supposed to assist.  He is interrupted in this
by a visit from Gary Seven, who demands to know what happened to the USA's
rocket program.

Doc Brown, who learned about the destruction of the Apollo Rockets before
the moon launch from a newspaper he had around his house, takes Spin and
Marty on an emergency mission to the past (their relative future, it's all
very confusing isn't it?)

Blake makes an interesting discovery about Orac's abilities, when he finds
that Orac has reprogrammed Zen to be more helpful.  They head off towards
an anomaly in Nantucket system, while Orac tries to determine what it is.
At least, we hope that's what Orac is doing, never can be sure.

That brings us to the beginning of this batch.  Hope you all enjoy it.
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                  The Universal Science Fiction Parody
                     (An Epic of Novel Proportions)

[Scene 61. Interior Shot.  An apartment, some where in Albuquerque, New 
Mexico.  It is in a low-rent, sleazy district.  It has very few furnishings,
and the floor is covered with reams of paper that have been strewn all about.
In the center of the room, Data and Geordi are hovering above their tri-corders
examing the piece of wreckage they took from the testing grounds.  On the
floor beside them are plans for standard fighter jets of the time, and also
sheets of paper that hold various trajectory calculations.  Riker walks into
the room.]

RIKER:         Well, have you got anything yet?

LaFORGE:       Actually, yes we do.  We've determined exactly where Guinan
               should be.

RIKER:         And?

DATA:          Dead, sir.

RIKER:         What?!?

DATA:          Guinan appeared approximately three hours before we did, and
               the portal opened several hundred meters above the ground. 
               She must have plummeted to her death, except...

RIKER:         Except what?

LaFORGE:       Except that there's no body.  There's been no discussion 
               of an unknown woman appearing on the test grounds, no
               obituaries for a jane doe answering to her description.

RIKER:         Conclusions?

DATA:          Somebody, or something, saved her.

RIKER:         Something?

DATA:          With my Tricorder, I have been picking up strange signals
               from orbit.  Almost as if there were a starship up there.

RIKER:         But, that's impossible.  There are no starships in this 

DATA:          Precisely.  But, there is a definite starship signal up there,
               and it appears to be very old.

RIKER:         And you think that whatever it is up there, saved Guinan from
               certain death somehow.

DATA:          It does seem to be the only possibility, Commander.

[Scene 62.  Exterior Shot.  Outside the Justice League of America.  A joint
effort of evil forces consisting of some of Dr. Doom's elite robot warriors, 
some rather well armed thugs from the Kingpin's syndicate, and large amounts
of blue shirts from Cobra's forces.  They all seem to be streaming out of 
the 'Skull Head' Headquarters of the Legion of Doom and are launching a fairly 
effective attack.  Hovering over the massed armies is a jet-propelled platform.
Standing on the platform are Destro, Cobra Commander, and Professor 

COMMANDER:     Attack!  Attack!  Victory is ours!

DESTRO:        I am still not convinced that our best interests are served
               by attacking this installation.

COMMANDER:     I told you Destro!  This is all according to a grand plan,
               a master scheme, better than anything you've ever come up

DESTRO:        I resent the implication you are making.

MORIARITY:     Gentlemen, please.  There's no need for us to fight among
               ourselves, for now, we must continue our assault on the
               building up ahead.  From here, we will have access to 
               the top secret communications of every major world government.
               Surely, Destro, you can see the use in that kind of access.

DESTRO:        Yes, but those are super-powered mutants in there, and their
               technology seems to be far superior to ours.  We haven't
               even dented their defenses yet.

[From behind them, Sinestro climbs onto the hover platform and 
approaches them.]

SINESTRO:      Not to worry gentlemen.  We at the Legion of Doom have our
               own share of super powers.

[He gestures with his yellow ring.  A beam of yellow energy bursts forth from
it.  It shoots out over the heads of the amassed armies.  The energy takes
the form of a giant parakeet, which lands on the roof of the Justice League
of America and begins pecking at the dome.]

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  Inside the main control room of the Justice
League.  Only three beings are present, the Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, and
their pet space monkey, Gleek.  They are watching the attack being launched
on the main viewscreen.]

ZAN:           What are we going to do Jayna?

JAYNA:         Nothing Zan.  The Superfriends said to wait here until they
               got back.

[A squawk redirects their attention to the viewscreen.  They see the giant
yellow parakeet approaching and land on the roof.]

ZAN:           Won't be long before they break through now.  We have to
               go out there and stop them.

JAYNA:         But the Superfriends said...

ZAN:           The Superfriends didn't know about the Legion of Doom 
               helping in the attack.  Come on.

JAYNA:         Oh, all right.

[The connect hands.]

TWINS:         Wonder Twin Powers....Activate!

JAYNA:         Form of a Pterodactyl!  [She transforms in a cheesy cartoon

ZAN:           Shape of an Ice Gatling Gun!  [So does he.]

[Gleek leaps on top of Zan and grabs a convenient handle.  Jayna graps the
monkey by his shirt, and flies off.]

[Scene Change.  Exterior Shot.  Outside the Justice League of America
building.  The Sinestro-generated parakeet (henceforth called the 
Sinestrokeet) is still pecking away at the dome.  Suddenly, the
pterodactyl appears from behind the building.]

JAYNA:         I'll take care of that overgrown bird, you see what you can
               do about that mob.

ZAN:           Right.  Drop me over there.

[The pterodactyl drops Zan on the roof of the building and proceeds to 
attack the Sinestrokeet.]

JAYNA:         All right, you sorry son of a carrier pigeon, let's see
               what you've got?

[She flies over and begins to battle the Sinestrokeet.  (Unless specifically
mentioned in the script, chorography of the fight scenes are left to the
discretion of the director.)  Gleek drops to the roof and turns a crank on
the side of Zan.  Bullets, made of purple ice shoot out at the approaching
criminals.  Meanwhile, on the hovering platform.]

DESTRO:        See, now the heroes come out to defend.

COMMANDER:     Destro, I am sick and tired of your endless predictions of
               doom and gloom.  There are only two heroes there!

SINESTRO:      These are not truly heroes.  These are but teenagers.  We
               can easily defeat them.

[Sinestro turns back to concentrate on defeating the pterodactyl.  As his
ring's energy beam battles Jayna, and the Cobra warriors, Kingpin thugs,
and Doom Elite warriors continue the assault, a green lasso appears from 
the skies and encircles the Sinestrokeet's neck.  Pan upward to see the
Superfriends (Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Hawkman, and
Aquaman {in Wonder Woman's invisible jet}) approaching.  They quickly dive
into the fight.

However, even with the additional firepower of these heroes, the fight is
a stalemate.  There are, after all, a whole bunch, and I mean a *Whole Bunch*,
of thugs, warriors, and doom robots there.]

DESTRO:        This is getting us nowhere.  Fortunately, I am 
               prepared with a solution.

[He moves to the other side of the platform and grabs a rocket launcher.  He
aims and fires at a nearby (rather inconveniently placed, but it advances
the plot) volcano.  This sets of a chain reaction, which will cause the
volcano to erupt. Jayna breaks off from the battle.]

JAYNA:         Zan!  That mountain is going to erupt, pouring molten lava
               all over that village.

ZAN:           We've got to stop it.

TWINS:         Wonder Twin Powers....Activate!

ZAN:           Form of ... An Ice Cap!

JAYNA:         Shape of ... a Yeti!

[Both transform in cheesy cartoon effects.  Jayna then picks up Zan and 
bounds off toward the mountain, away from the fight.  The Superfriends
continue to fight the approaching hordes, Aquaman flies the invisible jet,
while Wonder Woman attacks with her lasso, Batman continues firing bat
devices from his batcopter, and the other heroes are fighting in their 
usual methods.]


[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  The interior of a jet craft flying overhead.
Inside, are various members of New York's super hero community.  They've all
banded together, borrowing equipment from the army, to transport themselves
here and join the battle to save the Justice League of America.  Preparing
now to parachute, or otherwise drop into the melle are Captain America, the
Black Knight, the Wasp, the SubMariner, Hercules, Spiderman, the She-Hulk, 
the Thing, Reed Richards, Sue Richards, the Human Torch, Thor, and, of course,
Dr. Strange.  They are planning their entrance, when Sue Richards notices 
the volcano about to explode.  She points it out.]

SUE:           Look!  One of the villains has caused a chain reaction that
               will make that volcano erupt in minutes!

HERCULES:      Verily this is a splitting tactic, to cause yon Superfriends
               to withdraw from the battle to defend their home.

CAP AMERICA:   It looks like the Superfriends may not notice until its too
               late.  Odds are that the villains will pull back just enough
               to let them notice in time to save the town, but not stop
               the eruption.

REED:          I don't think the villains know we're here yet.  Some of us
               could go take care of that, while the rest of you help defend
               the Justice League.  [Incidental note:  Reed is steering the
               jet, or actually controlling the hovering, but his head is
               stretched into the back to join the conversation.]

SHE-HULK:      A good plan.  After some of us drop into the battle, the 
               rest can fly off to the volcano to stop it.

CAP AMERICA:   Ok, I suggest that Reed, Sue, Hercules, and Thor go handle
               the volcano emergency, while the rest of us go help the
               Superfriends clean up their mess.

[Choruses of good plan are heard, and then those heroes not mentioned in 
Cap's plan drop out of the plane.  Reed pulls his head back to the cockpit
to prepare to fly off towards the volcano, the plane veers off to avert

[Scene Change.  Exterior Shot. The battlefield in front of the Justice League.
Things are pretty evenly matched, but there continually seem to be more and 
more thugs, goons, warriors, drones, and robots for the superheroes to contend 
with.  The Superfriends, being heroes and good guy types, are doing their best 
not to kill anybody, just wound and take them out of commission.  Suddenly, a 
loud cry is heard from above and a six foot six inch green woman drops out of 
the sky and lands on a crowd of Cobra Warriors.  That's enough to take most of 
those she landed on out.  She immediately begins swinging into action,
sometimes hitting three or four people with one haymaker.  Slowly, others
drop into the action, the SubMariner flies in, fists swinging; Spiderman
swoops down on some webbing and begins tying up goons with his web; Captain
America drops down in a red, white, and blue parachute, tossing his sheild 
ahead of him.  It takes out nearly ten operatives at a time before returning
to his grasp.  The Wasp darts in and out among the approaching horde, using
her sting to stun opponents.  Suddenly, it's a free-for-all, with the
approach of even more superheroes, morale goes against the attacking force.
In short, they begin to run.  At least those who haven't been incapacitated
begin to run.]

[Scene Change.  Exterior Shot.  The mountain face of the soon to be erupting
volcano.  Zan and Jayna in their current alternate forms are approaching the
top of the mountain.]

ZAN:           We're getting pretty close now, Sis.  You better toss me up
               there and let me seal off the top of the mountain.

JAYNA:         You realise, that this is only a temporary measure, that 
               eventually, the heat from the lava will weaken you enough
               that the lava will be able to break through.

ZAN:           I know, but I don't know what else to do.  Have you
               got any ideas?

JAYNA:         I was going to look for a way to ease the pressure on the
               crater, see if we can keep it from erupting.

ZAN:           Good idea.  Put me up there now.

[She heaves and Zan flies through the air, landing on the crater--a perfect

ZAN:           I sure hope Jayna finds that alternate solution in a hurry,
               it sure is hot around here.

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  The cockpit of the jet transport.  Reed
and Sue Richards sit in the pilot and co-pilot seats, while Hercules and
Thor stand behind them.]

SUE:           Reed, what's that?

REED:          I'm not sure.  It looks like an ice cap.

HERCULES:      Surely, that is impossible.  The lava wouldst melt the ice
               in minutes.

REED:          Sue, get some readings on that thing would you?

SUE:           Sure thing.  Ah, here we go.  It looks like it was placed
               relatively recently, like it wasn't there when the volcano
               first started getting ready to erupt.

REED:          That is unusual.  Let's get in for a closer look.

[As they dive towards the mountain, all four heroes peer carefully out
the window.]

THOR:          Verily, there appears to be a face on yon ice cap!

SUE:           I see it too, we better get down there and have a look.

[Sue, Thor, and Hercules rush to the back of the jet, while Reed holds it 
hovering in position.]

[Scene Change.  The top of the volcano, Zan is sweating profusely, and it
seems that the lava might break through at any moment.  Hercules and Thor
drop down to the ground, followed by Sue Richards, who slides down on an
invisible force beam.]

ZAN:           Hey!  Are you guys here to do something about this volcano?

HERCULES:      What manner of witchery is this?  A talking mountain?

ZAN:           My name's Zan, and my twin sister Jayna should be around here
               somewhere.  We were trying to stop the volcano from erupting,
               but we don't seem to be doing very well.

[Just then, Jayna approaches.]

JAYNA:         I think I found a spot in the mountain where we could let the
               lava flow out.  It leads right down to an old strip mining
               site.  There's nothing there to get damaged now.

ZAN:           Good thing, I think the lava's about to break through here.

JAYNA:         There's a problem, I don't think I could become a form strong
               enough to break through the rock there.

THOR:          Show us the way, Hercules and I should be able to break

SUE:           Meanwhile, if you'll move, Zan, I can seal off the top of the
               mountain with a force sheild that's a lot stronger, and less
               likely to melt.

ZAN:           Jayna?

TWINS:         Wonder Twin Powers...Deactivate!

[In a cheesy cartoon effect, both twins become their normal selves, fists 
touched together.]

HERCULES:      Now, show us the way.

[Hercules, Thor, Zan, and Jayna head off toward the spot Jayna referred to,
while Sue Richards constructs an impenatrable force dome over the top of the


[Scene Change.  Exterior Shot.  Outside the Justice League of America.  Things
are not going well for the villains.  With the help of the additional super
heroes, the tide has turned and the heroes are beating back the villains.  
It looks like the villains will be retreating soon.  On the hovering craft
which Cobra Commander, etcetera are monitoring from, this conversation is

COMMANDER:     This is not going well.  We must retreat.

DESTRO:        No!  In a moment, the volcano will erupt and send a wall of
               hot lava hurtling towards the town.  The heroes will have no
               choice but to abandon their efforts here and save the local

SINESTRO:      Destro's right.  These do-gooders will abandon there home to
               save a single puppy.  It's pathetic.

DESTRO:        We need only hold out for a few more moments.

[Scene Change.  The location that Jayna had scouted out earlier.  Thor is
hammering away at the ground, and Hercules is moving rocks, but things are
going slowly.]

THOR:          I wish I had some sort of pick.

ZAN:           Good idea!

TWINS:         Wonder Twin Powers...Activate!

ZAN:           Form of ... an Ice Chisel!

[He transforms in a cheesy effect.  Jayna tries to pick up the huge chisel,
but finds it is too heavy.]

JAYNA:         Shape of ... a Black Bear!

[She transforms, then picks up the chisel, and hands it to Hercules.  Hercules
accepts the weapon, and holds it, while Thor hammers into it with his hammer.
Suddenly, larger and larger chunks of the mountain break away.]

[Scene Change.  The top of the mountain.  Sue Richards is watching as the 
lava percolates under her dome.  It appears that even her force sheild will
not hold for much longer.]

SUE:           [Talking into a hand communicator.]  Reed, can you see how much
               longer it will take Thor and the others?

REED:          [Over communicator]  It looks like...yes, they've broken

[The lava level under the dome begins to go down.]

[Scene Change.  The location of the draw off point.  All four heroes quickly
dive out of the way, as the lava flows past them into the waiting strip mine.]

[Scene Change.  Exterior Shot.  The hovering craft over the battle outside
the Justice League of America.]

COMMANDER:     Where's this volcanic eruption, Destro?

DESTRO:        I don't understand, it should have happened by now.

COMMANDER:     You idiot!  We're all doomed, now!

[Cobra Commander lunges for Destro's neck, while they are rolling on the
floor, Moriarity makes an observation.]

MORIARITY:     Gentlemen, perhaps we should make an exit now, before we
               are captured with our men.

SINESTRO:      Good idea.

[He goes to the controls, and the hover craft flies off into the distance.]

[Scene 63.  Interior Shot.  An office--rather well-decorated in plush 
carpetting and wood panels--probably somewhere in London.  Behind a desk,
sits a not unattractive woman in a well-made, rather conservative business
outfit.  Across from her, a door opens.  A man in a three-piece suit
enters and tosses his hat across the room to a hat rack.]

MONEYPENNY:    [looking up.]  James.

BOND:          Moneypenny!  How's my favorite girl?

MONEYPENNY:    You big tease.  [James crosses and sits on the corner of her
               desk.]  You have lots of other girls.

[James raises an eyebrow and is about to answer when the inner door opens.
Q pokes his head out.]

Q:             Ah, James, we've been waiting for you.

[Bond bends to kiss Moneypenny's hand.  He does, and follows Q into the
inner office.  Moneypenny turns and blushes.]

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  The inner office, if possible, is even
more luxurious.  M sits behind a desk.  Q crosses to a window, while Bond
toys with a letter opener he picked up off a small table.]

M:             007, How nice of you to come by.

BOND:          Well, you summoned me.  I merely...

M:             [Interrupting.]  Never mind.  I suppose you're wondering
               why I cut short your holiday.

BOND:          Besides the fact that you always do?  I assume it has something
               to do with this World Crime League.  If I'm not mistaken, you
               think SPECTRE is involved.

M:             Yes, with Blofeld out of the picture, the organization could
               have been taken over by anybody.  Q?

Q:             Take these.  [He opens a case holding six golden cuff links.]
               You'll find them useful.

BOND:          What do they do?

Q:             These two contain a small explosive charge.  You attach the 
               device, then press here and twist.  It has a thirty second

BOND:          How big a boom?

Q:             Not very big, I'm afraid.  Just a few kilos of TNT equivalence.
               About enough to open a standard bank safe.  Now, these two
               contain the parts to a microfilm camera.  Note the small wire
               connecting them.  This one holds the lens, while this is
               the activator switch.

BOND:          Impressive.

Q:             Yes, now these last two are transmitters, with an effective
               range of 200 miles.  You can trace them with the case.

BOND:          Is that all?

Q:             No, you'll also take these.  [He tosses Bond a set of keys.]

BOND:          Keys?

M:             The car is waiting for you downstairs.  You'll drive it to the
               airbase and take it with you to America.  Arrangements have
               already been made.

BOND:          I take it, that's where you believe the WCL is headquartered.

M:             A majority of the activity has been centered there.

BOND:          Yes, well, if there's nothing more?

M:             Just one more thing.  When you arrive in America, you will
               be meeting up with a detective Columbo.  A member of their
               New York Police Force, Homicide Division.  He believes you
               are a member of InterPol.

BOND:          You told him this.

M:             No, he rather assumed it.  We saw no need to disillusion him.
               Very well, that's all.  Good Luck, Double O Seven.

[M stands.  James exits, taking the letter opener with him.]

[Scene 64.  Interior Shot.  Backstage at the Muppet Theater.  Kermit is
facing towards the stage to welcome the 'act', which consists of six 
chickens in can-can costumes and Gonzo, coming off stage.]

KERMIT:        Lovely, lovely ladies.  Thank you.  You were wonderful.

[The chickens and Gonzo go off to the left.]

KERMIT:        Okay everybody, that's intermission.

[Scooter enters.]

KERMIT:        Scooter, is everything set up for the secret agent sketch?

SCOOTER:       Yes, but...

KERMIT:        Dr. Teeth and the band are ready?

SCOOTER:       Yes, but...

KERMIT:        The special effects guys from ILM are all set up?

SCOOTER:       Yes, but...

KERMIT:        Whew.  I was worried that something would go wrong.  This is
               the most expensive and elaborate sketch we've ever attempted.

SCOOTER:       I know, but...

KERMIT:        When you came running up like that, I thought you were going
               to tell me something was wrong.

SCOOTER:       I was...

KERMIT:        But you've just assured me that everything's all set.  So,
               what could possibly go wrong.  I must tell you, I feel much
               more at...


KERMIT:        [Looking sheepish.]  Go ahead.

SCOOTER:       [Breathing heavily.]  I just went up to Mr. Adams room...and...

KERMIT:        WHAT?!

SCOOTER:       I said, Mr. Adams is not in his room.

KERMIT:        But, he's the centerpiece of the sketch.  Without him, 
               we're doomed.

SCOOTER:       I know.


SCOOTER:       If I knew that, we wouldn't have a problem.

KERMIT:        Put everyone on alert.  We have only eight minutes to find
               him and I want all 300 members of the cast and crew looking
               for him.

[Kermit rushes off to the right.]

SCOOTER:       [looks at the camera.]  Where am I going to find three 
               hundred lerts on this short notice.

[Scene change.  Exterior Shot.  Street corner somewhere in the city.  Maxwell
Smart, Agent 99, and Hymie are meeting under a street light.]

MAX:           Ok, 99, you head up this street.  Hymie, you search down
               there.  I'll take this street.

99:            But, Max, why are we here?

MAX:           The latest information Control has available says that the
               man, um, person, uh, thing that the scientists identified
               as Deep Voice was last seen in this area.

99:            Where'd you get this information?

[Max stoops and takes off his shoe.  he cracks the heel open to reveal a
panel of buttons.  he presses one and a sheet of paper shoots out one side.]

MAX:           Shoe fax.  [He slips the shoe back on.]  Now, let's get going.

[They all head off in different directions.]

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  Backstage at the Muppet Theater.  The room
is in chaos.  Chickens, gophers, frogs, bears, pigs, dogs, eagles, and weirdos
race about in a state of panic.]

KERMIT:        Scooter!

[Scooter zooms up.]

SCOOTER:       Yes, boss?

KERMIT:        We've got two minutes left.  Any sign of him?

SCOOTER:       Sorry, boss, nothing yet.  We'll keep looking.

KERMIT:        Aaaaaaaauuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh!!!!! [Suddenly, the door bell
               rings.]  Now what?!

[Kermit goes to the door and opens it.  Maxwell Smart walks in to a barrage
of canned applause.]

MAX:           Excuse me, I was wondering....

KERMIT:        There you are.  Get in here.  [He hustles Smart in and closes
               the door behind him.]  Scooter, take this man to his dressing
               room and get him ready.  We have...[consults his watch.]...
               ONE MINUTE!  Aaauuuggh!

[Fade to black.]

[Scene 65.  Interior Shot.  Bridge of the Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701-A.
Here are the positions:  Helm, Sulu; Navigation, Chekov; Science, Spock;
Communications, Uhura; Conn, Kirk; Behind Kirk, McCoy; Engineering and 
Environmental, J. Random Yeoman; Next to Kirk, Steve Austin.  All except
Spock are staring in awe at the screen.  Spock is, of course, scanning.]

KIRK:          All stop, Mr. Sulu.

SULU:          Aye sir, all stop.  [After adjusting his panel.]

AUSTIN:        What is that thing?

KIRK:          Spock?

SPOCK:         Definitely an artificial construction and approximately the 
               size of Earth's moon.

KIRK:          But, what is it?

SPOCK:         The design is of no known configuration.  Neither is that
               of the fleet of ships surrounding it.

[A beeping sound is heard.]

CHAPEL:        (on intercom)  Medical Emergency!  Doctor McCoy to sickbay!

[Bones immediately moves towards the turbolift.]

KIRK:          Keep an eye on that fleet, Sulu.  Notify me of any change in 
               their position immediately.  You have the conn.  Spock?

[Kirk and Spock leave the bridge with McCoy.]

AUSTIN:        [As Sulu takes the conn and J. Random Helmsman (not to be
               confused with J. Random Yeoman at Environmental) moves to
               the helm.]  What am I supposed to do?

SULU:          [Shrugs.]  Beats me.

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  The war room of the Dreck Star.  Karth is
there with an admiral.]

ADMIRAL:       The ship is aboard, sir.  Shall I send the alien commander

KARTH:         Hush!  There is another, powerful with the force, in the

ADMIRAL:       Yes, we have confirmation of Skywalker's presence...

KARTH:         I speak not of Skywalker!

ADMIRAL:       Perhaps his sister...

KARTH:         She lacks training!  Speak not of such trivialities!  No, 
               this is another.  Suddenly, the equations have a random 

[Close on Karth's face.]

[Scene Change.  Close-up of Guinan's face.  Pull back to reveal Interior 
Shot.  Spacecraft flight deck of unknown origin.  Guinan is flying what
appears to be a rather small ship.]

GUINAN:        Oh, you messed up this time girl.  I just hope I can help
               fix it.  But first, you've got to pull out of that coma.

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  Sickbay of the Enterprise.  Guinan, despite
being submerged in the blue glow of a restraining field, thrashes about on 
a bed.  Doctor Chapel stands nervously nearby.  McCoy rushes in, quickly
followed by Kirk and Spock.]

CHAPEL:        Doctor, she just started thrashing about a few minutes ago.
               I didn't know what to do.

McCOY:         Take it easy, we'll see if we can figure it out.

[He pulls out a tricorder and begins scanning.]

McCOY:         Chapel, 10cc of quadrotriticale extract.

KIRK:          You're going to inject her with wheat?

McCOY:         It seems to act as a tranquilizer on her system.

[He injects her and she begins thrashing about more wildly.]

SPOCK:         Quite an effective tranquilizing agent, Doctor.

McCOY:         Something has changed.  I wish I could see into her mind.
               See what's up?

KIRK:          Spock?

SPOCK:         I will make an attempt.

[Unable to touch Guinan do to her movement, Spock attempts the little known,
long distance mind touch.  He strolls to the end of the gurney, clasps his
hands together, and begins to concentrate.]

[Scene Change.  Mists.  Nothing but mists and ghostly images.  Guinan is 
sitting on a cloud bank, aware, but groggy, while Guinan shakes her by the 
shoulders.  Spock walks up.  Special Note:  In this scene, the groggy 
Guinan (the one from the future) is referred to as Seated, while the 
more aware Guinan (the one from the present) is Standing.]

SPOCK:         Excuse me, may I inquire...

SEATED:        Spock, you look well.

SPOCK:         I am at a loss to understand how you know my name.

STANDING:      Me too.

SEATED:        [Smiling dopily.]  We've met.

*begin simultaneous*
SPOCK:         I do not remember such an occasion.
STANDING:      I don't remember that.
*end simultaneous*

SEATED:        It hasn't happened yet.

STANDING:      Oh, well I seem to trust you.  Will you help me?

SPOCK:         I will try.

STANDING:      You're obviously telepathic.  You can help me bring her out.

SPOCK:         There is a problem.  My telepathic abilities are somewhat
               limited.  To enter a healing trance, I must touch the
               patient.  Unfortunately, at the current time, she is 
               thrashing about wildly on the table, and not responding
               to what we thought were sedatives.  Can you prevent this.

STANDING:      I will try.

SPOCK:         I shall hasten my return.

[Mists dissolve to Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  Sickbay on the Enterprise.
Guinan has stopped her violent action.  Spock comes out of his trance.]

KIRK:          Spock!  What's going on in there?

SPOCK:         The situation is quite unusual.  There are two minds in there.
               They both appear to be the patient, but have different

McCOY:         Split personalities?

SPOCK:         I don't think so.  In any case, this is not the time to 
               discuss such matters.  Doctor, please remove the restraining

McCOY:         Spock, I can't take that risk.  What if she starts moving 
               around again?

SPOCK:         I do not think she will.  I am going to attempt to revive her.
               Captain, I have the permission of both minds that I spoke

McCOY:         Ok, Spock.  Go ahead.

[He switches off the restraining field, and Spock moves to touch Guinan's

SPOCK:         Two minds...sharing thoughts...reach out your mind to mine...
               like sands in the hourglass...so are the days of our lives...
               rise out of slumber...wake up...don't be lost when your time
               comes...rise up...get down...get funky...boogie down...awaken
               to the light...come with us...come...wake...wake...wake...

[His voice fades out, and he pulls up out of the mind meld.  Slowly, Guinan
wakes up too.  McCoy bends to examine her.  A beeping sound is heard.]

KYLE:          [Over intercom.]  Transporter room to Captain Kirk.

KIRK:          Kirk here.

KYLE:          [Over intercom.]  Captain, I think you should get up here to
               Transporter Room Three.  The circuits are activating, and I 
               haven't done anything.

KIRK:          On my way.  Kirk out.  Spock, come with me.

[They rush out of the Sickbay.]

[Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  Transporter Room Three.  Kyle stands behind
the console, and the chiming of the transporter can be heard.  Kirk and 
Spock rush in, just as Guinan appears on the transporter pad.]

GUINAN:        Hello, Spock.  I assume this is the Captain.

KIRK:          I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise, who
               are you?

GUINAN:        I am Guinan, I believe you have me in sickbay.

KIRK:          What?

SPOCK:         I believe, Captain, she is referring to the Jane Doe.  

KIRK:          Oh, she's a friend of yours?

GUINAN:        She is me.  It will take a while to explain.  May I see her

[She steps off the transporter pad and walks towards sickbay, somehow knowing
exactly how to get there.  Kirk looking confused, and Spock follow her.]


[Scene 66.  Interior Shot.  The lobby of a bank as seen from above (possibly
a security camera).  The view will remain at this odd angle until Scene
Change, then, director can resume normal practices.  Life seems to be going
along normally, until suddenly, the glass of the front wall explodes inward.
One security guard is knocked to the floor.  The other guard, stationed near
the tellers, draws his gun and is immediately shot with a laser blast.  Six 
robots from Latveria and four rock warriors from Dimension X enter, heavily
armed and feeling violent.  One robot orderas everyone to the ground while
two others shoot at the ceiling.  Eventually, one aims directly at the
camera and fires.


Erratic Scene Change.  Interior Shot.  The same bank lobby, but from a 
different, more normal, perspective.  The same robots and Rock warriors
hold everybody hostage.  One of the robots opens a canister and releases
a green cloud of gas into the lobby.  Everyone, except the robots and
warriors falls unconscious.  A very fat, bald man in a white suit and 
wearing a gas mask enters.  He is holding a cigar, which is kind of silly
since the gas is still in the air, and the mask is in the way.  When the
gas finally dissipates, he pulls off the mask, bites off the end of his 
cigar, lights it from a match he pulls out of his pocket, and tosses the
matchbook behind him.  He calls out the window.]

KINGPIN:       Ok, boys, load up.

[Ten syndicate goons enter and rush to open the open vault.  They quickly
load all the money into bags and disappear out the window.  The Kingpin
stamps out his cigar, signals and exits, followed by the robots and Rock

[Fade to black.]

[Scene 67.  Exterior Shot.  The Government Jet Testing Range at White
Sands, New Mexico.  It is somewhat cleaner now, most of the wreckage
has been cleared away, although, a few technicians are still about.  Sam
Beckett and Gary Seven walk towards the collection of trailers.  Keeping
pace with them is Roberta Lincoln in a mini-skirt, tye-dyed, low-cut blouse,
head band, necklace of beads, and other trappings of the sixties hippy.
Keeping pace with her is Rear Admiral Albert Calavicci, leering.]

GARY:          What happened here?

SAM:           An expiremental jet crashed a couple of days ago.

GARY:          How's the pilot?

SAM:           Uh, missing.

GARY:          Missing?!

SAM:           Technicians have been combing the wreckage for even one sign
               of the pilot.  So far, nothing.

GARY:          Could he have ejected?

SAM:           No, we found the eject mechanism with the rest of the 

GARY:          That is unusual, but we're getting...side...track...

[Sam and Gary look into the distance and see five figures approaching them.
As they move close, their leader, introduces himself.  Sort of.]

DOCTOR:        Hello, you must be one of my fellow time travellers.  Pretty
               rude way of going about it, stealing other people's lives,
               don't you think?

SAM:           Excuse me, who, who are you?

DOCTOR:        Oh, terribly sorry.  This is Lady Romanadveratrelundar,
               Leela, Adric, and, of course, K-9.  [As he speaks each
               of their names, the Companions nod in acknowledgement.]
               They're my Companions, and I'm the Doctor.

[At this revelation, Al gets visibly excited.  He begins punching
buttons on the ComLink and runs up in front of Sam.]

AL:            Sam!  Ziggy says there's a 99.44% probability that this is
               the doctor you're supposed to help.

DOCTOR:        [Turns to face Al.]  There's no need to talk about me in 
               the third person.  I'm right here.  [Turning to Sam.]
               However, I take it this means, Sam, that I can count on
               your help?

SAM:           Um, yeah, sure.

DOCTOR:        Good.  Not having to convince you will help.  It will save
               time, which is a commodity of which we have very little at
               the moment.

GARY:          Mr. Goldman, what is going on here?

SAM:           I'm not quite sure.  I am sure that there are some things 
               we all need to get out in the open.

DOCTOR:        Excuse me, we most move aside.  About four meters.

[He and the Companions move aside.]

SAM:           What?

DOCTOR:        Get over here, now!

[Sam, Gary, and Roberta move over near the Doctor, just as there is a 
flash of white light and the time travelling Plymouth Volare' appears,
drives through Al's hologram, and skids to a halt a few hundred yards

SAM:           Oh, boy.

[Scene 68.  Interior Shot.  The Command Center of War Rocket Ajax.  Two rows
of drones montior banks of computer terminals.  A few officers in Mongo
Military Gear stride about.  A beeping sound is heard.]

OFFICER:       Admiral Rooney, incoming message from Agent Warlock.

ROONEY:        Let's have it.

[The officer gestures with his left hand, the nearest drone makes some 
adjustments, and the head of 'Harry' appears on the screen.]

ROONEY:        What have you to report?

WARLOCK:       There is a problem.

ROONEY:        That is unsatisfactory!  Ming will not tolerate failure.

WARLOCK:       perhaps 'problem' is too strong a word.  'Delay' is more

ROONEY:        What is it?

WARLOCK:       The party we have joined with is missing two droids.  They
               will not go on until they are found.

ROONEY:        Semtimental fools.  Leave them.

WARLOCK:       Gordon, Zarkov, and Evans will not.  They have this
               overdeveloped sense of decency.  Our only hope is to find
               the droids, quickly.

ROONEY:        Have you scanned them yet?

WARLOCK:       Yes.

ROONEY:        Transmit the data to me, we'll see what we can do.

WARLOCK:       Transmitting.

ROONEY:        [After a few moments.]  We have it.  Now, get back to your

[He switches off the screen.]

OFFICER:       This will be difficult.  I do not think our technology
               can duplicate this.

ROONEY:        Then we must locate them immediately.  Get to work!

[Scene 69.  Interior Shot.  Bridge of the Battlestar Galactica.  Much
of it still looks like an Italian Bistro.  Many of the generic officers
have nervous looks on thier faces.  From the sounds the engines are
making, it seems clear that they are moving through space very, very fast.]

STARBUCK:      What's going on?

SLARTIBARTFAST: I'm not quite sure.

STARBUCK:      What do you mean you're not sure!?

GMO:           Commander Adama, the Council of the twelve wishes to speak
               with you.

ADAMA:         Hang the council!  Don't they realize we're having an 

GMO:           I believe that is why they are calling.

GFO:           Cylons approaching!

ADAMA:         What?  How can that be?

GFO:           I don't know, they shouldn't be able to keep this speed.

ADAMA:         [Whirling on Slartibartfast.]  This Bistromathic Field thing, 
               how big is it?

SLARTIBARTFAST: I don't know.  I've never tried extending it beyond one ship

ADAMA:         Could it have enveloped the Cylon Basestar, as well as our


ADAMA:         Red Alert!  All hands to battlestations!  Viper fighters
               to your ships.  Blast shields up!

SLARTIBARTFAST: Be careful not to leave the Bistromathic Field.

APOLLO:        Why?  What would happen?

SLARTIBARTFAST: You would immediately leave Bistrospace and enter real space.
               The forces would tear your tiny ship apart at the seams.  
               Cosmic dust would pummel it at high velocity and your brain
               would melt like a cube of Quaalactin Megagin.  From there,
               things would go downhill...

STARBUCK:      How do we know where the field ends?

SLARTIBARTFAST: Hand me that roll.  [Starbuck looks at him, confused.]
               Now!  [Starbuck complies.  Slartibartfast begins 
               conducting a weird ritual, dunking the roll in wine,
               breaking it open, hollowing it out, etc...  He ends
               by splashing the wine on the robowaiter and tossing the
               roll to Moffett.  The waiter looks around hesitantly
               for a towel.]  The perimeter of the field is now colored

APOLLO:        Right, let's go.

[Apollo and Starbuck rush out.]

[Scene 70.  Interior Shot.  The World Crime League's board room.  Begin
focused on the octopus design on the back of Deep Voice's chair (yes, I've
never mentioned the symbol before, and yes, it does imply what you might
think -- thanks to Loren for the input -- so if you're upset, deal.).  As
the conversation continues, view expands to show that Deep Voice is talking
with someone on a viewscreen.  It appears to be Davros.]

DAVROS:        We would find it easier to trust you, if you did not 
               scramble the video output in your transmissions to us.

VOICE:         Davros, you don't seriously expect me to believe you'd 
               trust me if I showed you my face?  You don't trust anyone
               but yourself and those pepperpot creations of yours, and
               I'd lay odds that you don't even trust them.  For right
               now, I require that my identity be unknown.

DAVROS:        What makes you think I'll go along with this plan of yours?

VOICE:         You already have.  I've got the proof.  Now, all you need to
               do is send a Dalek ship, with the structural modifications
               that I've discussed with you.

DAVROS:        OK, the ship is on the way, how soon can we invade in force.

VOICE:         I will send word.  Good day.

[He presses a button on the side of the chair and the screen goes blank.  A
beeping sound is heard, Voice presses another button, and Jabba the Hut 
appears on the screen.  C3-PO stands beside him, ready to translate.  Behind
him, is a party.]

VOICE:         Ah, the irrepressible Jabba.  What can I do for you?

JABBA*:         When will I get Solo and the Wookie?

(* Author's Note:  Again, all of Jabba's dialogue is translated from Hutese.)

VOICE:         Jabba, things are going according to plan, however, we
               cannot rush things.  YOu must have patience.

[This angers Jabba, he throws his arms wide and knocks C3-PO aside.]

JABBA:         Do not toak to me about patience.  I've waited this long 
               to recapture Solo, I can wait a little longer. Soon, though,
               I will send out my own operatives.

VOICE:         Fair enough.  Out.  [He blanks the screen.]

[Fade to black.]


All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Copyright 1992 Creative Insights, a subsidiary of Minion Media, International
Distributed September 1992 by Minion Press, a subsidiary of MMI

DeityCo et al are subsidiaries of Virtual Enterprises, GmbH
 (Don't worry, we can't pronounce it either.)

All groups mentioned in this .signature are pseudo-real groups (I believe
in them anyway), owned by Derek Bacon.  They automatically transfer all
rights and priveleges to him.  Ecce Homo Ergo Elk.  Therefore, the
copyright on this work belongs to Derek Bacon.  Thank you.

Comments, Questions, Death Threats, Marraige Proposals to lightnin@sidehack.gweep.net

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