APPLICATION for APPROVAL as a Saint in the Church of NEW PAGANISM Fill out and return to gryphon@world.std.com. (Please Print) Name: State of Being: Area of Influence: ============================================================================== Qualifications for Sainthood: (include extra sheets as necessary) ============================================================================== MANDATORY PROFILE SECTION: Now that we know why you think you should be a Saint in the Church of New Paganism, it's time to decide if WE think you should be. Please answer each of these questions to the best of your ability. Short Answer: 1. Do you like soccer? Why or why not? 2. Complete the following sentence: The last thing I remember... 3. Eighteen of your followers are on a train headed west at 50 miles per hour. Meanwhile, six of your followers are on a train headed east at 40 miles per hour on the same set of track. The two trains are 400 miles apart when the problem starts. Meanwhile, six legions of your holy armada are poised on the border to Canada ready to begin an invasion. How much time do you have to reposition the legions to stop the two trains before you have to resort to a "miracle"? 4. If a tree falls in the woods, how many miles must you walk in the buddha's moccasins before you can call him a man? 5. How do you feel? 6. Name the Seven Wonders of the Postmodern World. 7. Explain why the last question is completely ridiculous. 8. Where is the west pole? * * * * * * * * * * Multiple Choice: ____ 1. ARISTOCRAT is to PANHANDLE as (a) SPECTACULAR is to COURTYARD (b) TROMBONIST is to FOOTBALL (c) CABBAGE is to FIREBIRD (d) BOURGEOISIE is to RUSSIAN FRONT ____ 2. Would you rather (a) lead an army? (b) rule a country? (c) solve a riddle? (d) retire to a life of luxury? (e) teach our nation's children how to read? ____ 3. How many fingers do you see? (a) one (b) five (c) nineteen (d) as many as you're holding up ____ 4. You have just been told that you have five days to live, do you (a) go on a killing spree? (b) go on a shopping spree? (c) donate all your worldy possessions to the poor? (d) get a second opinion? ____ 5. The traditional catholic prayer is best represented as (a) a slightly watered down version of a pagan ritual? (b) spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch? (c) more fun than a barrel of monkeys? (d) ridiculously archaic and woefully inadequate for modern times? ____ 6. Are you (list any and all that apply) (a) claustrophobic? (e) phantasmagoric? (b) patriotic? (f) isometric? (c) arthritic? (g) apocalyptic? (d) combinatoric? (h) righteous? ____ 7. It is the fourth night of Walpurgisnacht and you're hanging out in your crib (domicile, party palace, home, secret bat cave, take your pick) when the phone rings. Upon answering it, you are informed Thor Ironhammer has been busted by the fuzz for raining without a license. You need to post bail. Do you use (a) Visa (b) Mastercard (c) American Express (d) A bank cheque (e) This is a trick question. Everybody knows that Walpurgisnacht only lasts one night. ____ 8. Which calendar do you reference most frequently? (a) Julian (b) Gregorian (c) Malaclyptic (d) Nortonian (e) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit ____ 9. While walking in his moccasins, you meet the buddha on the road. Do you: (a) Kill him. (b) Give him back his moccasins. (c) Give him intentionally bad directions. (d) Ask him the answer to number 4 in the Short Answer section. (e) All of the above. * * * * * * * * * Essay Question: INSTRUCTIONS: making abundant use of course materials, compose a closely reasoned essay answering the following question bearing on one of the course's central themes (ethics and technology). Limit: 6 Blue Book sides. Consider the following case: On Twin Earth, a brain in a vat is at the wheel of a runaway trolley. There are only two options that the brain can take: the right side of the fork in the track or the left side of the fork. There is no way in sight of derailing or stopping the trolley and the brain is aware of this, for the brain -- unlike Bo -- knows trolleys. The brain is causally hooked up to the trolley such that the brain can determine the course which the trolley will take. On the right side of the track there is a single railroad worker, Jones, who will definitely be killed if the brain steers the trolley to the right. If the railman on the right lives, he will go on to kill five men for the sake of killing them, but in doing so will inadvertently save the lives of thirty orphans (one of the five men he will kill is planning to destroy a bridge that the orphan's bus will be crossing later that night). One of the orphans that will be killed would grow up to become a tyrant who would make good, utilitarian men do bad things, another would grow up to become John Sununu, while a third would invent the pop-top can. If the brain in the vat chooses the left side of the track, the trolley will definitely hit and kill a railman on the left side of the track, "Leftie," and will hit and destroy ten beating hearts on the track that could (and would) have been transplanted into ten patients in the local hospital that will die without donor hearts. These are the only hearts available, and the brain is aware of this, for the brain knows hearts. If the railman on the left side of the track lives, he too will kill five men, in fact the same five that the railman on the right would kill. However, "Leftie" will kill the five as an unintended consequence of saving ten men: he will inadvertently kill the five men rushing the ten hearts to the local hospital for transplantation. A further result of "Leftie's" act would be that the busload of orphans will be spared. Among the five men killed by "Leftie" are both the man responsible for putting the brain at the controls of the trolley, and the author of this example. If the ten hearts and "Leftie" are killed by the trolley, the ten prospective heart-transplant patients will die and their kidneys will be used to save the lives of twenty kidney-transplant patients, one of whom will grow up to cure cancer and one of whom will grow up to be Hitler. There are other kidneys and dialysis machines available, however the brain does not know kidneys, and this is not a factor. Assume that the brain's choice, whatever it turns out to be, will serve as an example to other brains-in-vats and so the effects of its decision will be amplified. Also assume that if the brain chooses the right side of the fork, an unjust war free of war crimes will ensue, while if the brain chooses the left fork, a just war fraught with war crimes will result. Furthermore, there is an intermittently active Cartesian demon deceiving the brain such that the brain is never sure if it is being deceived QUESTION: Ethically speaking, what should the brain do? Justify your answer.