THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 3 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Pair's universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. The Lovely Angels are also on Lenorica, and Daved feels they may have something to do with it. John Ackerman, Director of Security of Taukai City, assigns Kei and Yuri the task of breaking into the supposedly abandoned Thornheart research complex. They do, only to find that some unseen person is watching their every move. The girls are forced by various security devices to enter a room which contains twin machines, one of which captures Kei and partially scans her before Yuri breaks free and rescues her. The girls make their way out of the building, on the way discovering that someone has facilitated their escape by destroying some of the security devices. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to the outer office of Ackerman, where his secretary is at work. The door slams open and a very pissed Kei and Yuri walk in.] KEI Alright, where is he?! SECRETARY If you mean Mr. Ackerman, he'll be gone for the rest of the day. If you'd care to make an appointment-- [Kei tries the door; it's locked.] I said he's not in! If-- [Kei draws her gun and blows the lock off.] AAAH! That--that really wasn't necessary... [Kei and Yuri enter the office, guns drawn, and sweep the room. The office is deserted.] YURI Guess he really isn't in. SECRETARY That's what I said! If-- KEI SHUT UP!! YURI Maybe we're wrong, Kei. I mean, what happened to us in there sorta does jibe with what Ackerman described. KEI Bullshit! We were led around by the nose! They were expecting us! That bastard set us up! YURI Well, seeing as how he's not here to answer the charges, it appears we're out of luck. [The Angels walk back into the outer office. Jacob, Ackerman's aide, comes in and begins to talk to the secretary.] JACOB Hey, have you seen-- [He notices the Pair. His face goes white.] KEI Hey, you're that guy who came running into the office during the briefing! Mind answering a few questions? JACOB Uhhh... [Jacob turns and bolts out the door. The Angels pursue him down the hallway. Jacob runs toward a set of two elevators at the end of the hall, one of which has an "out of order" sign posted on it. Halfway there, he pulls out a gun and fires at the girls, who dive for cover, Yuri behind a planter, Kei behind an ashtray. Yuri fires and hits him in the hip, but he pushes the elevator button and the doors open immediately.] YURI Hey! That never happens for me! [Jacob enters the elevator. Kei pops up and fires several times, but Jacob hides behind the closing doors.] KEI Damn it! And that's the only elevator? [The Pair run back and find the stairs. Cut to a large, dark ampetheatre. Scores of people dressed in black monk's robes kneel and pray in front of what appears to be a huge altar/stage. A balcony encircles the ampetheatre. On the balcony can be seen a man in a white robe with gold trim. He is approached by a man in a black robe with red trim.] BLACKROBE Allfather Thornheart, I await your bidding. THORNHEART Speak. BLACKROBE Our agent in the Taukai complex has just informed us that the 3WA agents escaped. They appeared to have some sort of outside help. THORNHEART Were either scanned? BLACKROBE One partially. The other not at all. THORNHEART Ah, well. I don't suppose it matters anyway. We can't very well fabricate holoreports of their progress if they're still alive, can we? Besides, I understand that these agents travel with some sort of semi-sentient...thing. That would have foiled our plans as well, if it tried to confirm the reports. BLACKROBE This is my fault, Father. I should have aborted the plan when the 3WA sent us the Dirty Pair. THORNHEART Nonsense. I wouldn't have allowed it. Even with the drawbacks the plan made sense. BLACKROBE It was a good plan, Father. THORNHEART Yes. Yes, it was. BLACKROBE What would you have me do? THORNHEART For now, nothing. I doubt they will be able to find enough information to lead them here. Just keep an eye on them. Oh, and try to find out what this "outside help" is. You are dismissed. [Cut to street in front of the Taukai Security Center. Kei and Yuri come running out of the building just as Jacob jumps in his aircar and takes off.] KEI Oh, NO! Yuri, look! [She points at their aircar. It has been trashed by laser fire.] YURI How'd he know which one was ours? KEI Maybe by the way you parked? YURI Ha ha. Real funny. KEI Well, we gotta do *something*! [She runs over to an aircar just as the driver is about to take off and leans in through the window.] Move over! We're with the WWWA and we're commandeering this car! DRIVER Yeah, right! [ignores her] KEI Hey, I'm not joking, mister! We're 3WA officers! [She reaches through the window and pops the door open.] Yuri, get in! DRIVER Listen, lady, I don't give a damn if you're with the Grateful Dead! You're not--OONF! [Kei slugs him.] KEI No argument? Good! Yuri, did you keep track of Jacob's car? [She slides behind the controls, the unconscious man between her and Yuri.] YURI Yeah! Take off, I'll direct you. [The Pair take off and fly after Jacob. Jacob looks in his rear viewscreen and sees one car swerving wildly past others in an attempt to catch up. He moves the controls, and the car tilts and dives out of the main skyway into a populated area. The Angels pursue.] YURI I think he's noticed us. [Jacob's car sprouts cannons on the sides. It dives, loops and heads back toward the Pair. With a crazed expression on his face, Jacob pulls twin triggers on the steering device. Laser pulses shoot from the cannon, narrowly missing the girls' car and slamming into the buildings behind them. Jacob continues on a collision course.] KEI I think you're RIGHT! [Kei jerks violently on the controls. The car spins and falls, narrowly missing the collision. Cut to a huge crowded indoor shopping mall. On one of the lower levels we see Daved. He looks at an upper-level balcony, checks his watch, then sits on a bench and reclines. Cut to a street lined with skyscrapers on both sides. An aircar comes swooping by, causing a panic. Another aircar follows firing blasts from its cannons. The blasts strike the street and buildings, causing pandemonium as debris begins to fall to the ground. One blast hits another aircar coming in the opposite direction. The car spins out of control into another building and explodes, sending flaming wreckage falling into the crowds below. Cut to the Angel's car.] KEI Damn it! We're supposed to be chasing *him*!! [The driver comes around. Wide-eyed, he takes in what's happening. Kei takes a corner too sharply and bounces off a building, breaking windows. Jacob continues close behind, firing wildly, missing and blowing large holes in everything else.] DRIVER Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? The Dirty Pair? YURI Kei, this is getting embarrassing! DRIVER Oh, my God... You ARE the Dirty Pair! I'M IN A CAR WITH THE DIRTY PAIR! AAAA-ULK! [Yuri elbows him in the face.] KEI Thanks, Yuri. YURI My pleasure. [Kei attempts to lose Jacob by flying through a narrow space between two tall buildings but a huge truck is coming the other way.] KEI & YURI AAAAAH! [Kei pulls back on the controls and the car goes straight up, just missing the truck. As they emerge from between the rooftops, Jacob is waiting for them and unleashes a volley of laser fire. One bolt hits them, sending the car spinning toward the street. Another blast hits a transmission antenna, which topples over and falls to the ground. Kei wrestles with the controls of her aircar, trying to pull it out of the dive.] KEI Come on, you son-of-a-bitch! MOVE! [The aircar dives toward the road. At the last instant, it pulls out of the dive and zooms down the street, just a couple of meters off the ground. Jacob's car comes down from where it was hovering and begins to pursue and fire again.] KEI Alright, that's it! Enough is enough! Yuri, take over! YURI What?! [The unconscious man is still between Kei and Yuri. Kei unholsters her gun.] Kei, if we're going to shoot back, don't you think it would make more sense if I-- [Kei lets go of the controls and leans out the window. The car begins to bounce off the ground.] IIIIIIEEEE! [Yuri leans over the unconscious driver and grabs the controls. The aircar starts to climb. Kei squeezes off a few shots but can't hit anything the way the car is weaving. Jacob continues to fire.] Kei, c'mon! I don't think I can-- [Yuri has been so busy trying to keep ahold of the controls while dodging shots and shouting at Kei that she has failed to watch where she's going. The car heads for a building, straight on.] KEI & YURI AAAAAAH! [The car smashes through a plate glass window into a part of the shopping mall, flying over the heads of terrified shoppers.] YURI Kei, are you alright?! KEI I think so! YURI I--I suppose I should look on the bright side! He wouldn't possibly follow us in here! [Unfortunately, Yuri is wrong. Jacob does indeed follow them into the mall and continues firing, destroying entire stores with single shots. Other shots take out support beams and the ceiling begins to collapse. Cut to another portion of the mall, where Daved is. He hears the screams and explosions in the distance.] DAVED Won't be long now. [Cut back to the Angels' aircar. Kei is still out the window. Yuri flies the car toward a plate glass window on the opposite side.] YURI Protect yourself! [Kei puts her arms over her head and the car goes through the window. Kei steadies her gun and as Jacob's car goes flying through the hole, she fires. The shot goes through the windshield and hits Jacob's left arm. He screams and lets go of the controls. His car plummets, crashing once and then twice, plowing into several parked cars. The car, now on fire, comes to a halt.] KEI YES!! [She gets back into the car.] I'll take the controls again. YURI Please! [Kei slides behind the controls. Suddenly, the engine stops.] KEI Oh, no! YURI What?! KEI WE'RE OUT OF FUEL!! KEI & YURI AAAAAH!! [The car falls gracelessly to the ground and bounces once, twice (shearing off a streetlight), three times, the last time hitting sideways which throws it into a roll. The car finally comes to a stop lying on the passenger's side. A dazed Kei and Yuri crawl out of the driver's side. Kei reaches back into the car and pulls out the driver's arm. She pulls a card out of her top and shoves it in his hand.] KEI Thank you for your help! The WWWA will gladly cover all repair expenses... or, uh, hospital bills. [She lets go and the arm falls limply back into the cabin.] YURI C'mon! He might still be alive! [The girls run back to the wreck of Jacob's car and peer inside.] KEI Empty! Was he thrown? YURI There he is! [She points. In the distance a man can be seen, holding his left arm and limping as fast as he can.] He's heading back towards the mall! [The Angels run after him. Jacob notices them and finds the strength to run faster. Cut back to Daved.] DAVED Any moment now... [Daved takes the golden object, his Sword, off his belt. Stroking an amber jewel with his thumb causes a yellow blade of energy, about a meter in length, to extend. Cut back to Kei and Yuri. They are chasing Jacob up a flight of stairs and have almost caught up to him. Jacob reaches the top and turns a corner. Guns drawn, the girls follow. Unfortunately, around the corner is the mall proper, an upper-level balcony filled with thousands of panicked people preventing the Pair from shooting. Kei and Yuri force their way through the crowd.] YURI Excuse me!! Pardon me!! KEI Outta my way! Move your butts! Oh, hell, we'll never catch him at this rate! [Cut to Daved. He looks over and up to the next level and sees Jacob moving through the crowd.] DAVED And there he is. [With an overhand motion, Daved throws his Sword. It spins rapidly, seeming to become a glowing yellow disk. Daved concentrates, and the Sword weaves through the crowd toward Jacob. It passes through him, and he slumps to the floor, unconscious. The Sword, still spinning flies straight up, then changes course and returns to Daved's hand. Kei and Yuri see this and are stunned. They run up to Jacob.] KEI Out cold, but unharmed. What was that thing? YURI I don't know, but I think I see who it belongs to. KEI [running over] You do? Where? [Daved retracts the Sword and replaces it on his belt. He examines his wristwatch and begins manipulating some controls on it.] YURI Blonde guy. Playing with his watch. Right-- [Someone walks in front of Daved. When the person passes, Daved is gone.] He...he was right there. I... KEI Well, let's not worry about it now. We've got someone else to play with! [Farther down the balcony, a section collapses, sending debris and screaming people plummeting to the lower level. The girls look, then pick up their prize and begin to carry him out of the mall. Cut to a close-up of Jacob's face. His eyelids flutter, then open. His view is blurry but gradually focuses into Mughi's face. Cut to a general view of the interior of the Lovely Angel.] JACOB AAAH! A demon! I've been condemned to Hell for my sins! KEI Not yet, you haven't! But we'll be glad to send you there if you don't answer some questions! YURI Yeah! Like, for starters, who do you *really* work for? I find it hard to believe a Taukai Security employee would have caused as much damage and injury as you just did. JACOB [begins to cry] I'm sorry, Allfather. I have failed you. I will not be present at the Grand Opening. My soul will not take part in the glory. It is a suitable end for a failure. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other in confusion.] KEI Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. See, you either answer our questions, or our friend here... [pats Mughi] ...uses your face for a chew-toy! Are we all clear on that point? JACOB [sobbing] I'm a pitiful coward, Allfather. I should have done my duty as soon as they saw me, but I didn't want to die. Have mercy on my soul! [Jacob clenches his jaw, goes into convulsions and dies.] YURI Oh, NO! KEI NO! Don't die, you bastard! [picks up Jacob's body and shakes it] GOD-DAMN-YOU! [throws the body down] NOTHING! We went through all that--that SHIT for NOTHING! [starts to kick the body] GOD-DAMN-YOU-STUPID-SONUVA-BITCH! YURI [rubbing her temples] I can see the headlines now: "Dirty Pair Destroy Shopping Center for No Particular Reason". KEI [throwing a tantrum] ERRRGH! OOOH! RARGH! GOD! DAMN! SHIT! BLASTED! BASTARD! [Kei starts throwing anything that isn't anchored down. Mughi hides under a chair. Yuri sits in another chair and continues to rub her temples.] YURI Kei, why don't we just take off and get the hell away from this planet? There's no real reason for us to stay. We'll just inform the 3WA of the fraud and let them handle it. KEI NO!! Nobody screws over the Lovely Angels and gets away with it, Yuri, NOBODY!! YURI Then what do you suggest we do? KEI Oh, I have a few ideas! YURI Such as? KEI Well, for one thing... [She walks to the room's exit and opens the door.] ...I think I'll find Mr. Mysterious Blonde Guy who keeps interfering and find out what the hell he knows about this! [She walks out the door.] YURI And just how do you propose to find him? KEI [from outside the room] I'll think of something! YURI Ohhh, boy. I'd better go after her. There's no telling what she's going to try. Take care of the ship, okay, Mughi? Oh, and could you do something about that body? MUGHI Growlf. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Kei uses a rather unorthodox method to capture Daved. Daved tries to convince the girls of the imminent danger, and the Pair once again assault the Thornheart complex. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews.