THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 6 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Kei and Yuri, also on Lenorica, were assigned by John Ackerman, Director of Security for Taukai City, to break into a supposedly abandoned research complex. However, Ackerman actually sent the girls into a trap with the intent of using advanced holographic scanning equipment on them, the data from which could then be used to fake holographic reports of the girls' progress, which would be sent to the 3WA. Ackerman is in league with a man named Thornheart, an industrialist who heads a religious cult. Thornheart's corporation has been producing artificial black holes on a populated island and his cult is awaiting an event known as the Grand Opening. Daved is assisting the Lovely Angels with their case on the premise that if any case could cause the universe to explode, it would be one involving the Dirty Pair. After learning the above information, the three head for the island, only to have the Lovely Angel attacked on the way by the City Air Force, under Ackerman's orders. The Air Force forces them into the Grid, an immense array of parabolic mirrors which attacks the Lovely Angel with the rays of Lenorica's sun. Surrounded, damaged, about to melt, the Lovely Angel appears to have no way out. Suddenly, it flips on its tail and vanishes in a nuclear fireball, the blast destroying most of the squadron of jets. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to view of Lenorica from close orbit. The Lovely Angel comes rocketing up vertically and reaches orbit. Inside, its occupants are coming around, groaning.] DAVED What...the hell...did you just *do*? YURI We dropped a miniature nuke and extended a hemispherical force field around it. The explosion popped us straight up. Then, when we were high enough, the escape velocity thrusters automatically came on. DAVED Do you do stuff like this all the time? KEI This was a first. YURI Might be a last, too. I've got diagnostics all over the board. In fact, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking it into atmosphere again. DAVED Can you take it into geo-synchronous orbit above the island? YURI Sure. DAVED Then don't worry about it. I can shuttle us straight down in the MUTT. I'll have to navigate by hand, but that's a fairly simple calculation. Now, if you ladies will follow me, I have a suggestion to make. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other, then follow Daved through the ship to where the MUTT, Daved's time-ship, is parked. He motions them inside the tall white box, through the living room of the much larger apartment that is somehow contained inside, then into the control room. He works the controls.] YURI What are you doing? DAVED I'm putting a halt to the MUTT's drift in your timeline. Or to put it another way, I'm stopping time. [The girls stare in disbelief.] Look, I'll prove it to you. [They go back to the exit. Daved opens the door and alarms go off.] Keep back and look down the hall. Look at Mughi. [Mughi is frozen in midair leaping off a chair.] YURI My god. You really *are* a time-traveller. KEI Why did you do this? DAVED [closing the door] Well, I don't know about you, but seeing how little time we're going to have to finish the job once I start the clock ticking again, I could use some rest. I have a guest bedroom and a shower. What do you say to catching a few hours of sleep and starting the final mission fresh? KEI That sounds... KEI & YURI GREAT! [The girls hug Daved, who looks sheepish.] DAVED Um, let me show you around. I've got a machine that makes clothing, too. You should be able to get it to make you something to sleep in... [Cut to shower room. Kei and Yuri are in whatever state of undress the reader cares to imagine them in.] YURI He really *is* a time-traveller. Wow. KEI Yeah. And cute, too. YURI Yeah. I wonder if he'd explain to me how it all works. Hey! If he's been telling the truth about everything, then the universe really *is* going to explode! KEI I don't even wanna think about that. [Cut to the MUTT's guest bedroom, a barely furnished room with two twin beds. Yuri is fast asleep, but Kei tosses, turns, and finally gets out of bed. Dressed in a nightgown, she walks to the living room where Daved sits on the couch in his white Traveller's uniform. He is listening to soft orchestral music on his stereo.] KEI What's with the hospital clothes? DAVED This is my uniform. I feel the most comfortable when wearing it. KEI I thought we were all going to get some sleep. DAVED I'm too worried about the mission. What's your excuse? KEI Oh. My damn back still hurts from when that droid threw me. DAVED Well, maybe *that* can be fixed, at least. Lie down. [Kei lies down on the couch on her stomach, and Daved begins to massage her back.] KEI Mmmm... Ohh... Where did you learn to do this? DAVED I don't know, really. Lots of places. I've been to so many places in the last sixty years, it's hard to keep track of what I learned where. KEI [looking up] You're sixty years old?! DAVED Eighty, actually. Or somewhere around there. I lost track. KEI But you don't look a day over twenty! DAVED This really works better if you keep your head down. KEI Sorry. [puts her head down] DAVED I was recruited at the age of twenty. My body was altered so I don't age. I also don't get sick and I can't have children. I spent five years at an academy, twenty years as a Scout, observing but not interfering, twenty-five years as an Apprentice Traveller, and the last thirty years or so as a Traveller. You don't move up very fast in the Universals. KEI So your job is to zip from time-to-time... DAVED And from universe-to-universe... KEI ...changing history? DAVED Mm-hmm. I change the course of wars, prevent disasters, save the lives of key historical figures, stuff like that. Between assignments, I'm free to go where I want, so I've been known to stumble into other problems, which I solve. Travellers are given pretty much free rein. KEI What are the other universes like? DAVED You name it, it probably exists somewhere in the Omniverse. Actually, humanity's had it pretty easy in your history. In others, Earth always seems to be getting attacked by someone, sorcerous aliens who want to reclaim their homeworld, giant aliens who just want to destroy it. Or Earth destroys itself in a civil war. One universe has the Earth at war with its own space colonies. We still haven't figured out which side to help in that one. KEI You must've seen a lot. DAVED I'd say so. KEI Ever have a girlfriend? DAVED Well, I, uh... It's sort of hard to get seriously involved when you're always travelling to different realities. [Daved flashes back to his Administrator's words : "...you do have a habit of getting involved."] I, uh, had a girlfriend at the Academy, but our careers sort of tore us apart. I haven't seen her in twenty years. KEI What kind of girls do you like? DAVED (laughs) What kind of guys do *you* like? KEI [sits up] Blonde guys, men of action, men with good hands. There, now you answer *my* question. DAVED Well... I like strong women. And, well, to be perfectly honest, I've, uh, always had this thing for redheads. KEI Oh, really. DAVED Mm-hmm. [Kei leans over and kisses him.] Aggressive, aren't we? KEI It's a character flaw of mine. Ask Yuri. [She kisses him again, this time longer. Fade to Yuri's bed. She opens her eyes, stretches and gets out of bed. She enters the living room. Kei and Daved are asleep, curled up on the couch together under a blanket. Yuri looks ticked. She heads for the door, then remembers about the time stoppage.] YURI [whispers] Oh, hell. [She goes back to bed. Slowly zoom in on Daved's head, then fade to flashbacks.] ADMINISTRATOR And face it Daved, you do have a habit of getting involved. The Council is afraid that when the time comes, you will be too emotionally, perhaps romantically involved with some aspect to leave before the explosion. [fade] ADMINISTRATOR Daved, I want you to give me your word that if you can't prevent the explosion, you'll leave. DAVED You have it. ADMINISTRATOR And that you won't bring anyone with you. [pause] DAVED You have my word, sir. [Fade back to overhead view of Kei and Daved asleep together. The Administrator's words: "And that you won't bring anyone with you" are heard again. Fade to black. Cut to Thornheart's office. The intercom chimes and Thornheart answers.] SECRETARY Father Ackerman calling from his hotel, Allfather. THORNHEART Put him through. [A hologram of a robed Ackerman's head (aka Blackrobe) appears above the desk.] ACKERMAN Allfather Thornheart, I await your bidding. THORNHEART This had better be good news. ACKERMAN *Very* good news, Father! The WWWA craft has been destroyed. We used the Grid, and it apparently detonated their engines. There isn't even any debris! THORNHEART That is good news, indeed! You have done well, my son. ACKERMAN Thank you, Father. THORNHEART I want you over here as soon as possible. The procession is about to begin, and the Grand Opening will occur in a matter of hours. ACKERMAN At once, Father [The picture blinks out. Thornheart talks to the ceiling.] THORNHEART Nice try, Dark Ones. (laughs) [Cut to the bridge of the Lovely Angel. Yuri is sitting in the pilot's seat, maneuvering the ship into the desired orbit and not looking very happy. Kei enters.] KEI Are we in orbit above the island yet? YURI No! KEI Oh. How long do you think it will take? YURI I don't know! The thrusters are damaged! I'm not a miracle worker, okay? [Kei sits in the co-pilot's seat.] KEI Is something wrong? YURI No! KEI Then why won't you look at me? YURI Because I'm busy! You think this is easy? KEI I'll help. [She moves to plug in an interface cable.] YURI I don't need your help. Why don't you just tell Daved it's going to be a while? You certainly seem good at communicating with him. [pause] KEI Is that what this is about? You're mad at me because of what I did with Daved? I don't that's any of your business! YURI [looking up] No, Kei, you don't think, *period*! Kei wants, Kei takes! For crying out loud, you didn't even wait one day! It never even occurred to you that... Oh, never mind! KEI That what? That you wanted him, too? Frankly, no, that never occurred to me! I didn't even think you liked him! YURI I never got a chance to like him! You just waltzed in and took over! KEI You make it sound like I do this all the time! I don't have any more luck with guys than you do and you know it! YURI Tell that to Kevin Wilson! KEI Oh, GAWD, Yuri, you're not going to bring that up again, are you? That was in university! YURI Well, it's the same thing! I spend days trying to think of what to say and you just zip in and grab him! KEI Yeah, well maybe you think too much! YURI And maybe some of us try to be a little more subtle about getting a guy! KEI If by that cryptic little statement, you're implying that I'm a *tramp*, you'd better be ready to back up your words with your *teeth*! [Kei makes a fist. So does Yuri. With the exquisite sense of timing inherent in the male of the species, Daved chooses this exact moment to walk onto the bridge.] DAVED Hi! What's wrong? KEI & YURI NOTHING!!!! DAVED Uh, good! Good! [Daved leaves. He enters the room in which the MUTT is parked. Mughi reclines on a couch next to the white box. Daved sits next to him, provoking a slightly annoyed response.] Way to go, Daved. Good luck solving this problem now with your two partners at each other's throats. And all because you got involved. Again. [Turns to Mughi] Y'know, Mughi, you're lucky. There's probably no female of your species within light years. [Mughi raises what pass for his eyebrows.] Yeah, I know, you probably don't agree. Here I am, the "top Traveller", never failed to solve a case in my entire career, and yet a beautiful, strong woman still turns me into the Human Erection. [Mughi grins and snorts] Thanks for the sympathy. Actually, it would be easier if that was all there was to it and I really didn't give a shit. But I do. [Daved hears his Administrator: "...you won't take anyone with you" and shakes his head] I'm not going to think about that. I'm going to solve this case and then that won't be a problem. [Kei comes in, still fuming] KEI We're in orbit above the island. Or as close as we can get. It's not right on the equator. DAVED [thinking] That's fine... Could you ask Yuri to come back here? I need her to help me do some reconnaissance of the island. KEI Huh? Just Yuri? DAVED Someone has to start repairs on the Lovely Angel, in case we have to call in an air strike. KEI Mughi can do that! DAVED And the two of you can do it faster. KEI Why Yuri and not me? DAVED Because I might need that card of hers. Go get her, okay? I'll be waiting inside. [He enters the MUTT.] KEI Who's in charge here, anyway?! [She shrugs and leaves the room. As she leaves:] No one *needs* the Bloody Card... [Cut to control room of MUTT. Yuri enters.] YURI I'm here. DAVED Did you close the door? YURI Yes. DAVED Then here we go. [Cut to a cliff facing the ocean. The MUTT appears at the edge of the cliff, door facing out. Daved opens the door and almost falls out. He curses loudly and closes the door. The MUTT fades out and reappears, rotated 180 degrees. Yuri and Daved step out.] YURI What do we do now? DAVED We head for the city. [He grabs her wrist and 'ports them both. They reappear next to a newsstand. One of the headlines reads "I MET THE DIRTY PAIR... AND LIVED! Taukai Man Recounts Terrifying Near-Death Experience". Several people are startled, but no one seems to understand that they've appeared out of nowhere.] YURI Daved, someone's going to notice us! DAVED I doubt it. People usually don't believe what their eyes tell them when I just appear in front of them. And with only three hours to go before the explosion, I really don't-- [Daved recognizes Ackerman, who is only a few steps away and walking toward them. He does the first thing that comes to mind, which is to grab Yuri and kiss her to hide her uniform.] YURI MMM!! Mmm... [Ackerman ignores the "lovers" and walks past.] DAVED I'm really sorry about that! That man there, I-- [Yuri grabs Daved and kisses him again] MMMF! ... YURI You were saying? DAVED Huh? I... uh, that man! He was in the Thornheart complex when I did my recon! YURI Where? That's Ackerman! The guy who set us up! We have to follow him! [Ackerman gets in an aircar and takes off. Yuri hails a taxi, and she and Daved get in the back seat.] Follow that car! DRIVER I don't do spy jobs, lady. [Yuri pulls her gun.] YURI You do now! Drive! DRIVER Whatever you say! DAVED [to Yuri] Kei's rubbing off on you. YURI Shut up! [The taxi follows at a discreet distance, finally approaching a large, fenced-in complex dominated by a black tower.] DRIVER Oh, God, please don't make me go in there! YURI Why not? What is it? DRIVER Some colony of religious nuts! No one goes in, no one comes out! I heard rumors a taxi took a reporter there once. Both the driver and the reporter were never seen again! DAVED Just hover over it for a little while. [The taxi does. Daved grabs Yuri's arm and 'ports them both to the ground.] YURI [looking up] Well, *he's* taking off like a bat out of hell... Now will you tell me why you insisted on my presence? What do you need the Bloody Card for? DAVED I don't. That was just an excuse to get you down here where I can talk to you. YURI Huh?! About what? DAVED I noticed you and Kei were fighting. It doesn't take a genius to guess what the fight was about. YURI Hey, listen--! DAVED No. Me first. This universe is going to cease to exist in less than three hours. Maybe earlier! My superior said he wasn't able to verify the time he gave me. This is really going to happen, Yuri, unless we stop it. And we can't do that if we're at each other's throats. YURI Kei and I will put our differences aside. We always have. DAVED You looked ready to come to blows on the bridge. YURI Well, we hadn't gotten to the "put-our-differences-aside" stage yet. We were still at the "kick-each-other's-butts" stage. DAVED If it makes any difference, I don't prefer either one of you over the other. What happened between Kei and myself just...happened. YURI I'm not mad at *you*! DAVED Well, I don't want you to be mad at Kei, either-- what the--?! [Off in the distance, a large procession of black-robed monks carrying candles can be seen entering the tower.] I'll be damned! I may never get a chance like this again! [Daved takes off his watch and hands it to Yuri.] Fetch Kei. This button will take you back to the Lovely Angel. This one will bring you back here. Hurry! [Daved runs off toward the procession.] YURI HEY! How are we supposed to find you?! Hmph! So much for Mr. Teamwork. [Yuri hits a button and vanishes. Cut to a scientific lab. Hovering in midair above a glowing stand is a colorful pattern that constantly changes. Thornheart is present and looks on in awe.] THORNHEART It's so...beautiful. TECHNICIAN Yes, Father, and powerful. THORNHEART Is everything set? Will it be ready? TECHNICIAN The singularities are already heading for conjunction. Once that occurs, this lever here, moved all the way up, will shunt the effect upstairs to the altar. Then this button will bring about what we have prayed for. THORNHEART The Grand Opening... Rejoice, my son, rejoice! For today we become gods! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: It's the Dirty Pair and Daved vs. Allfather Thornheart and we learn that hell hath no fury like a savior scorned. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews.