THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 7 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Daved believes he has found the answer to his case in that of the Dirty Pair, who are also on Lenorica. The Lovely Angel is currently in orbit above Xyfai Island, where artificial black holes are being created by employees of Thornheart Industries. Thornheart himself heads a religious cult and plans to use the singularites in something called the Grand Opening. The Lovely Angel is trapped in orbit due to damage suffered in a recent battle. Daved leads the Angels into his time-vehicle, the MUTT, and basically "stops time" so that they all can rest before the final confrontation. However, Daved can't sleep from nerves, nor can Kei, who is still hurting from an injury suffered earlier. The two talk in the dimly lit room and when Yuri awakes, she finds Kei and Daved asleep together and becomes angry. A fight ensues between Kei and Yuri the next "morning". In an attempt to defuse the situation, Daved takes only Yuri down to the island in the MUTT. The two locate the home of the religious cult. Daved begins to try to talk Yuri out of her anger, but interrupts himself when he sees a procession of monks entering the tower. He gives Yuri his wristwatch, shows her how to use it to teleport to the Lovely Angel and back, and runs off toward the procession. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to interior of Lovely Angel. Yuri 'ports in, right in front of Kei.] KEI Wha--?! Yuri? Where's Daved? YURI He decided to play Typical Male Butthead and went running in alone. Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to postpone our fight until after this is over. KEI Yeah, fine, but how are we getting down there? YURI I'm taking you, c'mon! [The girls hold hands] Now it was either this button or this one... [Yuri presses a button. A laser shoots from the watch and burns a hole in a chair.] Heh, heh. Must have been the other one. [Kei and Yuri vanish. Cut to a view of the procession. Untold numbers of black-robed monks carrying candles enter the tower. They look at the ground and mumble chants as they march. At regular intervals, silver-robed hooded guards carrying torches line the route. One of these guards is startled when a yellow energy blade passes through him and he falls unconscious. He is dragged behind a nearby tree and Daved emerges in his robe and torch. As the end of the procession passes each pair of guards, they fall in step with the rest. The procession enters the tower and Daved tries to follow.] GUARD Hey! Where do you think you're going?! DAVED Sorry! I was so excited about the...the Grand Opening that I didn't think. GUARD We're all destined for glory, brother, but ours isn't in that direction. [Two guards come forward and seal the door.] DAVED [under his breath] They're locking them *in*? [The guards march off and Daved follows. Cut to another part of the courtyard, where Kei and Yuri are looking for a way in.] KEI I don't *believe* this! Not even a window! YURI Hey, I think I've figured out how this thing works! [She holds up Daved's watch.] See, there's these three wheels around the edge. I think they set coordinates in three dimensions. And when I turn one, the number on the dial always starts at zero, and can go positive or negative, so I think it's a displacement off my current position. KEI So? You don't know which wheel's for which dimension or how the distance is measured! YURI Well, let's find out! I'll set the first wheel for plus one... [Yuri 'ports about a meter in the air, and lands on her feet.] See, this is a snap! [smiles at Kei] KEI No! Uh-uh! No way! [Cut to interior of the tower. Two guards are standing outside an entrance to the altar-auditorium. Screaming is heard from above, and Kei and Yuri land on the guards, rendering them unconscious.] KEI Ow! My butt! YURI Wow! Talk about luck! C'mon, let's get into their robes! [Cut to altar-auditorium, which is filled with monks facing the altar. On the balcony ringing the auditorium stand the guards, one of whom is Daved. Below, the Angels can be seen sneaking into the crowd in guard's robes. A man in a red robe comes on stage.] REDROBE The Allfather cometh! Glory to the Allfather! MONKS GLORY TO THE ALLFATHER! [There is a blinding flash of light, and Thornheart levitates out of an unseen hole in the altar. He appears to be supported on a pillar of light.] YURI [whispering] How do you think he does that? KEI [whispering] Aaah, given enough field generators and hologram projectors, you can fake anything. [Thornheart tounches down] THORNHEART My children. I stand before you on this joyous occasion, on this day when all of our efforts will at last come to fruition, to thank you. All of you. For the last ten years, we have endured every kind of hardship. Deprivation. Isolation. Ridicule. But you have not faltered. You have stood strong. And because of your strength, your persistence, we stand at the dawning of a new era. The Grand Opening is about to occur! Ever since that day, eleven years ago, when a laboratory accident caused me to be touched by the hand of God Himself, I have striven to bring to the universe the power and glory that I myself have experienced. In less than an hour, a gateway to another dimension will open on this very altar. We shall enter the gateway and be transformed! DAVED [to himself] Transformed, yeah. Transformed into scattering masses of sub-atomic particles. He's crazy! THORNHEART You have all seen what miracles the glory of God has enabled me to perform. But I say unto you, that the power I now have, compared to the power each of you will have after your transformation is like comparing a candle to a raging inferno! And yet, our work does not end today. A plan meant to keep the various authorities from interfering with our great drama was less fruitful than we had hoped. It will force us into the role of warrior earlier than we had planned. But have no fear. I, your Allfather, will be there to guide you. I have faith in all of you. I love you, my children. MONKS GLORY TO THE ALLFATHER! [Thornheart levitates to a platform twenty meters above the stage and walks off.] YURI [whispering] He's going to create an army of supermen and conquer the United Galactica! We have to stop this! [The red-robed man comes back.] REDROBE There will now be instructions from Father Blofert! [A short, wimpy-looking man in a blue robe comes on the stage. Several raspberries are heard, followed by muted laughter.] BLOFERT Alwight! Befowe I begin business, I wish to adwess a swight... pwobwem. It seems pwevious meetings have been wacking a certain... wespect. VOICE Weawwy? [Laughter breaks out, including Daved on the balcony.] BLOFERT SIWENCE!!! I'll have you know, I have been given authowity to deny twoublemakews access to the Gwand Opening! [silence, grumbling] With that in mind, wet us begin wole caw! Bwother Able? VOICE Here! BLOFERT Bwother Athens? VOICE Here! BLOFERT Bwother Atler? VOICE Pwesent! [muted laughter, the roll call continues] YURI [whispering] We need a distraction. [Kei reaches into her robe through the neck and pulls out a grenade.] KEI [whispering] One distraction, coming up! YURI [whispering] You can't throw that thing! They'll see where it came from! KEI [whispering] Who said anything about throwing it? I'm gonna roll it down the floor! No one'll even notice it 'til it goes off! [Kei sets the grenade to timer, pushes the button and rolls the grenade down the aisle. The sound of the grenade rolling starts quietly, but builds to a deafening pitch.] YURI [whispering very sarcastically] Oh, yeahhhhhh! No one'll notice *that*! Way to go, Kei! [Instead of the search for intruders that the girls expect, the whole arena instead explodes into laughter.] BLOFERT WIGHT!! That's the WAST STWAW! I have warned you about wowwing mawbles down the aisle! [He walks down from the stage and picks up the grenade.] Alwight, who does this bewong to?! [He holds it up. Shocked silence.] Wait a minute. This isn't a mawble--- [SHA-BLAMMMM! The grenade goes off, spreading Blofert over the crowd. Panic breaks out. Under this cover, the Angels toss more grenades in different directions to keep the crowd panicked and confused. Several monks manage to set their robes on fire with their candles, and the fire spreads. The Angels whip off their robes and batter and kick their way to the stage/altar.] DAVED Hey! I knew they'd show up! [The guards on the balcony aim their torches at the altar and begin firing laser blasts at the Angels. They fire back, killing one guard and then dive off the stage in that direction.] This thing's a *gun*? GUARD Hey, you! Fire your damn gun! [Daved blasts the guard with the torch. He then draws his Sword, sets it to yellow-stun and throws it. It spins and makes a complete circuit of the balcony, knocking out all the guards, some of whom fall off the balcony, their torches' fuel tanks breaking and adding to the conflagration below. The Sword returns to Daved's hand as Kei and Yuri climb back onto the stage.] KEI Daved! Is that you?! DAVED [stripping off the robe] Yes! Try and find a way under that altar, okay? I'm going after the Allfather! KEI Sure thing! [Daved runs-off.] YURI [mocking] Oh, certainly, Daved-sweetie! Is there anything else I can do? KEI I thought we were postponing the fight! [A technician comes out of a hole in the altar behind Yuri with a gun.] Yuri! [Kei blasts him, knocking him off the altar.] Well, at least we have our way down! YURI Where?! I can't find it! [Cut to Thornheart's loge. Thornheart looks about ready to have a stroke. Ackerman, in his black robe, looks very afraid.] THORNHEART This can't be happening. How can this be happening?! ACKERMAN Father, I didn't know-- [Thornheart wheels to face Ackerman.] THORNHEART You lied to me! You're in league with them! ACKERMAN Father, what--? THORNHEART What did the Dark Ones offer you to betray me? Thirty pieces of silver? Immortality? Well it will avail you not, Judas!!! [Thornheart pulls back his hood, fully revealing his face. He has no eyes, just glowing spots.] ACKERMAN Father, NO!! [Ackerman begins to levitate, writhing and screaming. Daved bursts in, Sword drawn to yellow-stun.] DAVED Game's over, Allfather! Tell your people to shut off those machines! [Thornheart turns to face Daved. Ackerman drops to the ground and escapes via a secret door in the wall.] THORNHEART You! You're responsible for this! You may dress in white, but you don't fool me! You're a demon! [He moves toward Daved, who slashes the Sword through him with no effect.] Your demonic tools can't harm one who has been touched by the hand of righteousness! Die, demon!! [Daved is hurled through the air and crashes through the window of the loge backwards. He begins to plummet the twenty meters to the altar. He whirls in midair and points the Sword at the ground. The blade changes color to blue and extends to touch the floor. The Sword now acts as a pole. By controlling the blade's retraction, Daved slows his descent, but still lands sprawled on his back next to the Angels.] DAVED [looking up] Hi. YURI Great! You can help us look for the way down! [Thornheart comes out of the sky.] THORNHEART EEEEAAAAARRRGGH! [The impact knocks all three heroes off their feet. Kei and Yuri sit up and open fire, but Thornheart blocks the shots with his hand like Darth Vader. He fires an energy bolt from one finger that impales Kei. She collapses.] KEI Ugh! YURI & DAVED KEI!! DAVED You son-of-a-bitch!! [Daved switches the Sword to the green blade and slashes Thornheart with it. He screams but is not cut. His whole body begins to glow.] Uh-oh. [Daved spins the Sword and it hovers in front of him and the Angels as a shield.] THORNHEART DIIIIEEE!!! [Thornheart unleashes a titanic blast from both arms that hits the shield and rebounds as several dozen smaller blasts that hit various parts of the arena. Outside the auditorium, the last remaining monks are crushed to death when the ceiling collapses. Yuri pulls out the Bloody Card and throws it. It misses.] THORNHEART [to Yuri] Pathetic. [Thornheart aims a hand at Yuri. The Bloody Card returns and hits him in the back. He screams! The spot where he was struck catches on fire. As he flails, trying to pull the Card out of his back, Kei comes to life and shoots him in the back, knocking him off the stage.] DAVED [to Kei] Were you playing possum? KEI S-sort of... I s-still feel so c-cold... I...I guess we'd b-better finish him off. DAVED No! Your guns won't really hurt him. We've got to retreat and think about what to do before he re-orients himself! KEI Retreat to where? YURI The entrance! I found it! DAVED That's an idea. [Yuri, Kei, then Daved go through the hatch and down a ladder into the lab below. The remaining technician tries to attack, but Yuri takes him out with a chop to the throat as she descends. Daved notices the swirling pattern of color above the glowing stand.] DAVED Holy--! That's what I'm looking for, alright. KEI Is this guy really who he says he is? DAVED What, the Messiah? I doubt it. KEI No, I mean, some kind of sorceror? DAVED It looks to me like interphased M-waves. YURI Huh? DAVED Multi-dimensional energy, integral to the fabric of the universe. Same stuff that powers my Sword. My guess is that he was trying to tap that energy and got a microscopic portal into the dimension embedded in his body. If he's been channelling that stuff, it's no wonder he's nuts. His brain is probably half-fried. KEI So we know where he gets his juice. How do we stop him? DAVED Well, M-waves extend into three-dimensional space as an ordinary electromagnetic waveform. My Sword is shielded or else you could jam its power source just like a radio signal. I doubt *he's* shielded. All we need is a jamming device. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other.] KEI & YURI Mughi! DAVED No kidding? Great! I'll go get him! Give me my controller! [Yuri takes off the watch and hands it to him. He 'ports out.] YURI Hey! What about--? [The hatch is smashed open and it falls to the floor.] Kei, act unconscious. He may not know you're okay. [Kei sprawls on the floor. Thornheart jumps down into the lab, the Bloody Card still sticking out from a smoking spot on his back.] THORNHEART ERAAGH! YURI Make a move and I blast your equipment! [Thornheart turns to Yuri, smiles, and spreads his hands in an "okay, you win" gesture. Yuri's gun flies into Thornheart's hand and disintegrates with a flash. He approaches her. Kei opens her eyes.] THORNHEART You silly bitch. [Daved returns with Mughi. Thornheart turns to the arrivals. Daved again spins the Sword to act as a shield. Thornheart points his hands.] DAVED Go ahead, idiot, blast away! It'll ricochet and destroy everything in the lab! C'mon Mughi, find the frequency! [Mughi wiggles his ears. Thornheart frowns and cocks his head. Behind Daved a power cord pops out of its outlet.] YURI Daved! Behind you! [The power cord wraps itself around Daved's neck and squeezes. Yuri tries to tackle Thornheart, but is thrown back by some force the instant she touches him. Daved, choking, tries to pull the cord away but has no luck.] THORNHEART [crying] Why do you all fight me so? All I wanted to do was introduce the galaxy to wonder, beauty, and glory. Is that so wrong? Is that so bloody WRONG?! KEI [sitting up] YES!! [She shoots him in the face, knocking him back. The cord loosens and Daved gets free, gasping. Thornheart's body begins to shimmer.] THORNHEART NO!! NOOOO!! What are you DOING!!! YURI Mughi's doing it! THORNHEART NOO!!! NOOOOOOOOooooo.... [Thornheart glows, then collapses to a small point and vanishes. The Bloody Card falls to the floor.] DAVED Wow. I didn't expect that. Good work, big guy. [He pats Mughi, then retrieves his still-spinning Sword, retracts it and puts it on his belt. Yuri picks up the Card.] YURI Hey! It's okay! KEI Greeeeeat. DAVED Well, that's a wrap! KEI You mean we did it? DAVED Yep! YURI The universe won't explode? DAVED I doubt it. This had to be it. Couldn't be two things this dangerous on the planet. YURI Great. Then I don't have to talk to her anymore. [Yuri walks up the ladder, leaving behind an upset Kei and a stunned Daved.] DAVED Wonderful. A happy ending. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: It ain't over yet, folks! A slip in communication could mean the end of all life everywhere. This, plus the tying of a few loose ends, all in the explosive conclusion to "Big Bang"! The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews.