=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= O H M Y G O D D E S S ! "The Green-Eyed Monster" by Ryan Mathews Featuring "Dorllir", created by Larry Mann =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Copyright (c)1995 Larry Mann, Ryan Mathews [A finger rings a doorbell.] [Sayoko sits up in bed.] [She checks the clock.] SAYOKO Who could it be at six o'clock in the morning? [She opens the door, in a robe.] SAYOKO Yes? [A mailman, in some kind of trance, hands her a package.] MAILMAN Book... of... the... month... club... SAYOKO But I don't belong to any-- hey! [The man walks off.] [Inside, Mara snores on a couch.] SAYOKO Fat load of help you are, Mara. Oh, well. I wonder what this is. [She opens the package and pulls out a book.] "Demon Fashion Quarterly"? [Mara opens one eye.] [Sayoko opens to a picture of a cute little girl, with facial markings much like Mara's. Mara bolts awake.] MARA Wait! Don't read that!! SAYOKO "Lovely and cute Miss Dorllir is a fashionable demon girl"? [Light explodes out of the book, causing Sayoko to drop it.] [The demon girl portrayed in the picture arises from the book.] DORLLIR Hi there! Hey--! [Mara tries to push her back down.] KNOCK IT OFF! [Mara flies across the room and lands painfully on her butt.] MARA Ow! What are you doing here, Dorllir?! DORLLIR Don't you know? The powers-that-be decided you needed some help. SAYOKO Uh, excuse me? You are...? DORLLIR Oh! I'm sorry! Demon second-class limited, Dorllir! Pleased to meetcha! [She bows politely.] MARA Well, you can tell you-know-who that I don't need any help, especially not *yours*! DORLLIR Oh, really? [She grins.] How many months have you been here? And not only have you not chased the two goddesses off the middle plane, but *another* goddess has joined them! Sounds a bit incompetant if you ask me. MARA I'll show you incompetant!! [She prepares to attack.] SAYOKO NOT IN MY HOUSE, YOU WON'T!! [She rubs her temple.] Look, work this out peacefully, okay? I'm going to make breakfast. [In the kitchen, Sayoko breaks an egg over a bowl. A disgusting black slime oozes out.] SAYOKO AAAAAAAAAHH!! MARA Ah. It looks like my latest plan has hatched! [An utterly revolting creature crawls out of the bowl. It has a long, black, segmented body, six insect-like legs, and the head of a spider.] SAYOKO W-w-what is it?! MARA This, my dear, is the legendary "Green-Eyed Monster". SAYOKO It's *disgusting*! MARA That's just because I haven't activated its charm. [She whispers a spell over it. There is a puff of smoke, and it transforms into the most adorable creature you've ever seen. Its long body is covered in long, soft, white fur. Its head is a cross between a rabbit and a cat, with whiskers and long ears. It has a fox-like tail, tapering to a light pink tip and walks on six kitten-like legs.] MARA Now, what do you think? DORLLIR So CUUUUUTE!! MARA No, WAIT! Don't-- [Dorllir picks it up.] ...touch it... DORLLIR Oh, it's so cute! It's so cute! [She cuddles the animal, which licks her with a long, pink, tongue.] SAYOKO (She's a *demon*?) MARA (So I've been told.) MARA Dorllir, give it to me. DORLLIR What? No! I'm not giving it to you! It's mine! SAYOKO Oh, for crying out loud. Hand it over, you brat! [She takes it away from her.] Wow. Say, it is kinda cute, isn't it? DORLLIR Hey! You wicked old lady! Give it back! SAYOKO What did you call me?!? DORLLIR You heard me! Give it back! [She gestures, and the animal flies back into her hands.] SAYOKO Hey! You spoiled little monster! I'll teach you to respect your elders! DORLLIR "Respect the elderly", you mean! [The two girls start to fight. Mara smiles.] MARA Actually, this isn't all bad. At least now I know it works. [She claps her hands.] "For Sayoko and Dorllir, may the last five minutes disappear!" SAYOKO Huh? DORLLIR Why are we fighting? MARA I erased your memory of the last five minutes. It was the easiest way to-- [Dorllir sees the animal again.] DORLLIR SO CUUUTE--OW! [Mara knocks her across the room.] * * * * * * [At the Morisato residence, Belldandy sweeps up with her favorite straw broom, while Keiichi and Urd look on.] KEIICHI Sure I can't help you with that? BELLDANDY Oh, it's no trouble at all! URD Hmph. What a waste of time. [She brightens up.] Say! Why I don't help? I'm sure I could zap the dust away in no time! Then we could go play! BELLDANDY Oh, that's okay, Urd. I can handle it. URD What, don't you trust me? BELLDANDY N-no! That's not it at all! [Skuld enters.] SKULD Of course she doesn't trust you, Urd. Who would? Belldandy's just too sweet to say so! URD Why you--! SKULD Now, if Belldandy would like some help cleaning up, I have the perfect solution. Let me introduce: Mr. Floor-Sweeper! [Skuld leads in a device made from a vacuum cleaner and god knows what else. It has no apparent power source and operates itself, sweeping back and forth across the floor.] [Belldandy looks at the machine nervously.] BELLDANDY Why, uh, thank you, Skuld... URD I see! So you don't want my help, but you'll let Skuld's hunk of scrap metal do the work! Well, fine! Huh? [Belldandy and Keiichi look in surprise under the following sound effect: SSSSSSHLUKP!] URD (inside the vacuum bag) MMMM!! MMM MM MMMMM MMMM, MMM MMMMMM MMMM!!!!! SKULD Serves you right for making fun of him! [The doorbell rings.] KEIICHI (relieved) I'll, uh, go see who's at the door. [He opens the door to find Dorllir, dressed like an ordinary girl and holding the furry creature in a cage.] DORLLIR Good afternoon! I represent-- [Dorllir gets a look a Keiichi. Her cheeks go red.] Um, uh... I'm here to... um, I mean, I'd like you... I was hoping... KEIICHI (to himself:) Poor girl. Must be a school fund-raiser. [He crouches to her level and puts a hand on her shoulder.] It's okay. Whatever it is, I'll be happy to do it. [Dorllir takes a look at the hand on her shoulder. Her entire face goes red.] DORLLIR Uh... um... [She closes her eyes and holds the cage out with both hands.] THISISFORYOU!! [She runs away, leaving him holding the cage.] [Keiichi looks at the cage, curiously.] * * * * * * [Dorllir arrives back at Sayoko's place.] MARA Way to go, Dorllir. DORLLIR I did good?! MARA I was being sarcastic. Take a look at this! [Mara has improvised a scrying pool in a bowl of water. In it can be seen Keiichi and the Norns looking at the creature, which is still in the cage. Urd reads a tag attached to the cage.] URD "You have been chosen by the Mitsutomo Pet Company to test our newest pet, the White Angora Foxcat." We're supposed to keep it for a week and let them know what we think. BELLDANDY I've never seen an animal like it. Until we know a little more, I think it should stay in the cage. MARA (to Dorllir:) You were supposed to get it into their *hands*!! DORLLIR Well, I'm *sorry*! You know I get nervous around cute guys! MARA Huh? Morisato? Don't tell me you're actually attracted to that dork! DORLLIR He is NOT a dork! He's handsome and smart and kind and gentle and strong and pure! MARA How do you know all that?! You didn't even talk to him! DORLLIR I don't have to talk to him! Women just know these things! Isn't that right, Sayoko? SAYOKO Uh, yeah. (Of course, I never came to that conclusion about Keiichi...) MARA Hmph! Is this what you call "help"? You're making my job even harder than it was already! If this is the best you can do, they shouldn't even have sent you! DORLLIR Alright! Okay! I get the point! It's my problem, I'll fix it! [She vanishes in a puff of smoke.] [Mara gestures to the scrying pool.] MARA Well, Sayoko, shall we watch the fun? [Back at the temple...] SKULD You've gotta admit, it is cute. URD Naah. To me, "cute" is a nice set of pecs and some tight, muscular buns. SKULD You have a one-track mind, sis. URD Hey, if the track's headed where you wanna go, why switch? [There is a knock at the door.] I'll get it! [Urd opens the door. Dorllir enters, her body depicted as a transparent outline.] URD Huh? Nobody here. It must've been the wind. [Suddenly, she sniffs the air.] Wait a minute. I recognize that smell. That's-- [Dorllir whispers in her ear.] DORLLIR Something burning in the kitchen. URD SOMETHING BURNING IN THE KITCHEN! [She runs to the kitchen. Dorllir giggles.] [Skuld sits next to the creature's cage.] SKULD Urd? What did you say? [Dorllir, still invisible, opens the cage. Skuld notices the creature as it walks out.] SKULD Hey! You're not allowed out! [She picks it up.] We'll just put you back in... [She smiles.] Boy, you sure are a cute little thing! [Urd enters.] URD What was I thinking? It's not even close to dinnertime. [She sees Skuld playing with the animal.] HEY! What are you doing! Put that back in the cage! SKULD NO! URD But Belldandy said-- SKULD I know what Belldandy said! We were to leave it in the cage until we knew it was harmless. Well, it *is* harmless! See? URD (sigh) Fine, suit yourself. DORLLIR (thought) Oh, no you don't. [whispers to Urd:] Where does she get off talking to me like that? I'm the elder sister! URD YEAH! [to Skuld:] Give me that thing, you little creep! [She motions and "magics" the creature out Skuld's arms into her own.] If you ever talk to me like that again, I'll... [She looks at the creature.] Wow. It sure is cute. SKULD GIVE IT BACK!! [She attacks Urd physically, lunging at her.] [Elsewhere, Belldandy hears the crash as she continues her cleaning.] BELLDANDY Looks like they're going at it again. I'd better put a stop to it. [Urd and Skuld are tearing the place apart, working on their third room.] BELLDANDY My! You two are serious this time, aren't you? URD & SKULD SHE STARTED IT!! BELLDANDY I don't care! You're destroying the house, so just finish it! URD Gladly! [She gathers together energy for a powerful attack.] Prepare to be flattened, you annoying little brat! [Skuld grabs one of her spherical doo-dads in each hand.] SKULD Go for it, you obnoxious, stupid, rude, overbearing old lady!! BELLDANDY Uh, th-that's not exactly what I meant! [She notices the creature.] Oh! [She picks it up.] Are you fighting over this? URD & SKULD GIVE IT BACK!!! BELLDANDY (giggle) You're a cute little thing, aren't you? Did those two silly girls scare you? URD Give it back, you witch! Or else I'll... [A terrifying expression forms on Belldandy's face.] BELLDANDY Or else you'll what? [Urd's expression darkens into hatred.] URD Yeah! YEAH!! Let's go for it, miss "Goddess First-Class Unlimited"! I've always wanted to wipe that superior expression right off your face! [Energy begins to build in the room. Small objects swirl around.] DORLLIR (thought) Wow! They're gonna fight! It'll probably destroy the city! [She grins with delight.] COOL! [Keiichi walks in with two bags of groceries.] KEIICHI Hi! What's going on? BELLDANDY Keiichi-san! [The energy blinks out, sending all the debris crashing to the ground.] URD Hey! You're not finished with me, yet! BELLDANDY Later, Urd. Can I help you with that, Keiichi-san? KEIICHI Wouldn't it be easier if you put that down? BELLDANDY N-no. That's okay. DORLLIR Yes! The piece de resistance! [Protected by gloves, the invisible Dorllir grabs the creature and forces it into Keiichi's arms.] KEIICHI Huh? [Belldandy looks surprised and betrayed.] BELLDANDY Keiichi-san... why? KEIICHI I didn't... [Belldandy's eyes well up with tears.] BELLDANDY How could you? I cook for you, I clean for you, I've done everything I could to make your life perfect, and now you... you... KEIICHI-SAN NO BAKA!!! [She runs off, streaming tears behind her.] [A miserable Keiichi puts the creature back in its cage as a joyous Dorllir watches.] KEIICHI You are a cute little guy. But I don't feel like holding you right now. DORLLIR Wow. He resisted it. He's so pure... KEIICHI Belldandy's right. I've been taking her for granted. I should be ashamed of myself. [He stands up, determined.] That's it! I'm gonna go apologize right now! And the next time I offer to help with the housework, I'm not taking "no" for an answer! [He leaves. Dorllir makes herself visible.] DORLLIR I am sooooooo good! What Mara couldn't do, I do just like that! Keiichi will go to Belldandy, she'll fight with him, and poof! Scratch three goddesses on Earth! [Dorllir thinks.] Of course, Keiichi will take it pretty hard. He's pretty sweet on her. His strong pure heart will be dashed to bits. [Dorllir looks sad.] Poor sweet Keiichi... [Keiichi enters Belldandy's room.] KEIICHI Belldandy, I-- BELLDANDY KEIICHI-SAN!!! [She runs into his arms, weeping.] Please forgive me! I'm so sorry! KEIICHI Don't be! You were right! You've been working so hard... BELLDANDY I don't mind! Not for you! You've always been so good to me! I don't know what made me say those horrible things! URD I do. [They turn to see Urd holding the creature by the tail. It has reverted to its insectoid form.] Look what was in the "Angora Foxcat"'s cage. BELLDANDY A Jealousy Beast! [All the characters are together, including Dorllir, invisible again.] KEIICHI Mara? BELLDANDY Who else? SKULD I suppose I should apologize for those names I called you. URD Why? You never have before. SKULD (That's true.) DORLLIR This isn't over yet. --- END ---