Reading the net, you get a lot of exciting anime news before the rest of
the world.  Still, it seems even the expertest of experts can't know
everything about what's happening in the anime world.  Some news is
kept highly secret by the studios, or just isn't considered worthy of
being mentioned by the newsletters.  Here are some previews of soon
to be released anime, anime that has not yet received the publicity
it deserves.
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ICZER-3 1/2:  Earth is in trouble again (surprise, surprise), and those
swell people that created the previous three Iczers agree to help.
Unfortunately, due to an attack on the mother ship, they are only able
to create the new Iczer from the waist up.  To compensate, she is given
eyes that are even bigger and cuter than Iczer-3's, to draw her enemies'
attention away from her lack of legs.  With Big Gold and Neos Gold
having been destroyed, Iczer-3 1/2 takes on the most fearsome enemy
yet:  Visa Gold, who plans to destroy Earth by wrecking its credit
rating.  (NOTE: The new Iczer does not, as was rumored, turn into a boy
when you splash water on her.)

Hokuto No Baka:  Meet Chester Splintz, the newest master of Hokuto
Shinken, an American who is as clumsy as a three-legged ox.  It's
laughs galore as he causes his entire high-school football team
to explode as he slaps them on the butt.  And wait'll you see the hot 
love scene, as he gives "unsafe sex" a whole new meaning!  Not tonight,
Chester!  She's got a splitting headache!

Lupin III:  The Chunder Caper:  Lupin travels to Tokyo, to help Goemon
locate one of the most valuable collector's items of all time: a one-
ounce vial of President Bush's puke.  It is said to have the mystical
ability to ruin the economy of any nation in which it is spilled.

Gall Force Final:  The name is finally explained, as the title characters
hatch a plan to create a new breed of human using their gall bladders.
Also, a new character who looks like Lufy is introduced.  We get to see
her naked.

Kimagure Orange Road Movie II:  A Hand is Rocking Our Cradle:  Seven 
years after the ending of KOR, a happily married Kasuga and Madoka 
advertise for a nanny to look after their new baby boy.  Who should apply
for the job, but Hikaru Hiyama!  Unfortunately, what they don't know is 
that their old friend has just escaped from a mental hospital and spends
her free time muttering "Happy, happy, lucky, lucky, kill, kill!"

Project F-ko:  Well, actually, this isn't a real one.  But if you replace
the dash with a certain vowel, it would make a great title for a Cream
Lemon episode, don't you think?

Previously Chewed Bubblegum Crisis:  A generic version of the popular
OAV series.  In this episode, a Knight meets with a friend, who gets
killed.  The Knights Saber respond by blowing the hell out of Genom's 
offices, even though they weren't responsible this time.  Priss:  "What 
the hell, there's probably something they did that we missed!"

Dirty Pair OAV:  "How Dare You?!":  Kei and Yuri learn that someone on
Earth is writing unauthorized stories about them, go there, and beat the
guy to death.  He enjoys every second of it.

FOR THE US MARKET:

AnimEigo plans to release a dubbing of BGC 1!  Knowing that the average
fan won't buy a dubbed tape unless it is assured of high-quality voices,
the firm has hired only stars for this release.  The cast includes Judy
Tenuta as Celia, Wendy O. Williams as Priss, and Herve Villachez as
Leon.

Well, there you have it!  As soon as I hear more news, I'll be sure to
let you know.

ENCODED NOTE FOR THE HUMOR-IMPAIRED: Iss-thay uzz-way an oke-jay.

                        ---------- Ryan Mathews